Monday January 8 2018

The kind of relationship I would really die for


By Clare Yiga

I have always wanted to be in a relationship. And not just any kind of relationship. No.
The kind of relationship you can only find in the movies. The kind of cliche relationship that begins with me dropping my books or something like that and Prince Charming sauntering over to me (because Prince Charming does not simply walk, oh no, that would be too lowly for him. He saunters.) Yes, Prince Charming sauntering over to me, making a show of helping me pick my books off the floor, and us bumping heads as I make a similar show of attempting to pick the books up myself.
(I say attempting because I would not really be making an effort to pick the damn things up, I would actually be relishing the moment, the long awaited moment, and I would milk it for all it is worth.)

I know that does not say a lot about me, (or it does, depending on how you want to look at it.) the fact that I dream of the kind of thing that’s only likely to ever happen in movies.
But truth be told, I crave the romanticism of movies. Don’t we all?
The grand gestures of love, (and they need not even be grand, really.. the smallest, tiniest, symbolic gesture would do) but thus far, I have no shame in telling you that has been going dismally.

There is something about Ugandan men that is really not right. And I do not say this as a joke, at all. Take me as seriously as you would a retake in your final year, in your final semester. It is bad, it is serious, it must efficiently be dealt with.
Ugandan men need help, and not just any kind of help; help of the divine kind. Divine intervention in simple terms.
They either do not want to try, have been so damaged by the patriarchy, or know what to do and simply refuse to do it out of spite. I will go with the latter.

They refuse to make an effort even with the simplest of things; communication, that should not be asking for too much, really, is made a big deal and made to seem like such a sacrifice.
Dates, quality time, are ridiculous things. What? You want to go on a date? Spend time with your significant other? Who do you think you are? A Ugandan man will ask you.

This is why my standards remain ridiculously high, I say ridiculous because it really is ridiculous that even the most basic of things would seem like such a pain.. I resort to movies to get even a tiny bit of romance in my life, as i wait for the mister to step up.. but will he? Highly unlikely.. he is after-all, a Ugandan man.