Lyantonde elders meet Museveni

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Whenever one of those self-entitled NRM leaders is led down the dimly lit corridor of post-power fall, elders from their ancestral roots visit Museveni to intercede on behalf of the son in trouble. From Besigye to Tinye and Tumukunde and even Beti Kam… wait, a slip of the keyboard. But what I am saying is that on Friday, as you guys went about with Eid issues, some elders managed to get through to a meeting with President Museveni in Rwakitura to plead for Gen Kale’s forgiveness.
This page dreamt about all these things and decided to furnish you with the inside story and unlike those others guys who break news quoting military sources before later retracting, ours is legit and retract-proof.

We didn’t even need military choppers to go and scour a hotel in Lyantonde, we didn’t need nothing. We just got it all as it happened.
The eight elders—all men—arrived in Rwakitura wearing furrowed faces. You would think they were wildlife conservationists out to meet promoter Balaam after a python is killed. Under this huge tree, the son of Kaguta is playing cards—that he held awkwardly—with his grandchildren when the elders are ushered to the table.
With the grandchildren sent away, Museveni welcomed his guests and offered them pleasantries. Whenever there is a problem, he said, it is always good to discuss it with elders and find a win-win position for all parties.

The leader of the elders delegation, a man with sinewy veins around his temples, cleared his throat with exaggerated effect and begun to speak, but Museveni waved him down.
“I know why you are here and I will listen to you. You will also listen to me,” he said before excusing himself to the washrooms. Left behind, the old men sat looking at their feet; the leader of the delegation chewed the insides of his mouth. After some time, the son of Kaguta lumbered back to his seat.

“Now, about Kale, why don’t you first give the law a chance before we discuss other interventions?”
“But sir, our son served you with utmost and unquestionable loyalty.” It was the leader of the delegation. He sank back into his plastic seat and sucked the inside of his mouth until they made some popping sound.
“I can’t believe you ordered his arrest. You should have been deploying him or sending him on some course outside,” another said.

“I didn’t arrest my son. The law arrested him. The security leadership insists they have some issues of interest that he should make clear and I can’t refuse them such a request, not when they made it so earnestly,” Museveni said.
“You see, for years I have received many damning dossiers on Kale, but I always doubted them and he never stepped a foot wrong. He served. He proved his loyalty. However, those reports were scattered, on various subjects. When it comes to the security of this nation, I don’t beat around. It doesn’t matter who you are. Security. I don’t blink even once. I sort it.”

“Sir, have you forgotten 2016 general ele…”
“You shut up.,” growled Museveni. “You cannot tell me what to remember or what not to. 2016? Since when did 2016 become a significant date? What happened to 1986? In any case, do you know why it is dangerous to eat leftover food? Because it’s gone bad. Poisonous bacteria…
“The other day I talked about Kawukumi… weevils. I don’t know if you listened in. Now, farm produce is brought home when fresh and used. But as time goes, weevils infest it. That is bad.”

“Still, sir, do we have to go that far instead of appreciating service he delivered and retiring him gracefully?” the leader asked. He was bald and Museveni admired his courage.
“He got medals. Many medals and he was paid salary,” he said.
“But…”
“No ‘but’. He is loyal and if nothing has changed, he will come through stronger than you think. For now, let security deal with this. I am going to study the dossiers and we shall have another meeting after that,” Museveni said.