MPs want Otafiire to take charge of ‘PM Time’ for frank responses

On Wednesday, the Prime Ministers Question Time flopped badly. Only 63 MPs appeared to have the time on their sleeve to sit through the 45-minute ritual of Q&A with the prime minister. Back on what they do best, the legislators try to milk the most of WhatsApp to find a common ground.
Rugunda: Members, I am supposed to field your queries but if this continues, what excuse do you have for claiming to represent the constituents? Don’t your constituents have pressing queries to ask the government?
Akello: But you only feed us on rhetoric. Some of your answers, we can’t take them to our constituents.
Gen Ali: I thought this idea was great. It looks great. Why can’t we put our heads together and make it great? We can’t fail this. We shall only be failing ourselves and history will judge us harshly.
Tumwebaze: Maybe we should bring the President himself…
Ecweru: I am afraid only Ssemujju will have the balls to ask serious questions if that happens.
Oulanyah: Honourable members, Uganda is bigger than us all. Why can’t we then find serious questions to ask this jolly good ever smiling Ndugu?
Latigo: Brother Jacob, is your iPad programmed to start with that boring line?
Amule: I keep wondering too.
Oulanyah: Boring, you said?
Bahati: Yes, boring. But at least not worse than your ball ties just yet.
Rugunda: Since most of you only open your mouth while on WhatsApp, let me ask here: how should we make the PM time work?
Franca: We don’t use our mouth on WhatsApp, Ndugu.
Lubwama: What is PM time?
Karooro: You see?
Kania: Well, in the case of our resident ATM here, I suggest you attach monetary value to it. Attendance allowance plus bonus for every question asked. I tell you Lubwama will attend five times every Wednesday!
Mbogo: Five times? Hahahahaha!
Lubwama: Why does everyone hate me here? I am not even an Arsenal fan to begin with…
Rugunda: Lubwama, there is the Prime Minister Question Time every Wednesday. It runs for only 45 minutes. Do bring matters of pertinent interests from your constituents and return with answers for them.
Atiku: I thought the speaker already ‘pimped’ the ‘show’.
Kadaga: I like your choice of words, Atiku. Would even be better without the inverted commas. That said, yes, I have directed the clerk to ensure live broadcast of the session. That way, the people of Kamoli will know if their MP is asking the questions they raised or not.
Abiriga: Kamoli?
Kiyingi: The speaker is into street jargon and that is a good thing.
Rwakoojo: Where is Kamoli? Who is the MP for Kamoli?
Ssemujju: See that? That is what happens when you have more constituencies than health facilities in the country. Members can’t even tell what is mentioned.
Abiriga: It’s just a question. If you can’t answer, shut up, you whining FDC man.
Katuntu: Bwana Nganda, shut up, I say.
Munyagwa: Kamoli just means hibernation.
Anite: And where is hibernation located?
Lubwama: I think these guys are trying to confuse us. The PM was into something better.
Latigo: Hahahaha. I think this group is a thriller.
Nsereko: I tell you!
Fungaroo: But speaker, it isn’t a given that when the session is telecast, those who hibernate in the House will finally wake up.
Tumwebaze: There is a possibility.
Mwijukye: A long shot but one better than if we had president himself or that Ssekandi answering the questions.
Ssekandi: Which Ssekandi?
Mwijukye: At least my disdain hauled you out of hibernation and now you have said something here for the first time.
Amelia: I think I have an idea how to make that thing tick, but if I say it, someone will call me all sorts of names.
Rugunda: Ehhh! Lady, who dare call you names when I am here?
Amelia: Otafiire.
Otafiire: What is Otafiire now? Otafiire, Otafiire, Otafiire, do I look like some village hearth to you?
Rugunda: Otafiire, please stop bullying people. Someone has some idea to share.
Amelia: Just hand over the mantle to Otafiire and see how it will go.
Bahati: Like really, of all people? Otafiire will never even be a PM even if he dreamt of it with his eyes open.
Kania: Now Bahati is courting trouble.
Fungaroo: I actually think Amelia is right. Otafiire is so candid and his humour is unrivalled. Who wouldn’t want to get answers from Otafiire?
Tumwebaze: Eh, you guys are too disloyal. How can you reject Ndugu so openly?
Munyagwa: For questions that require answers, there is no better person to field them that Otafiire.
Bahati: If you inundate the bush war general with that, who will take over his famed roll of eulogies?
Kania: Bahati!
Otafiire: Kyekyo! Nkaali mboko! Bahati, until someone roots for you even to be the chief groundnuts seller on the street, you are just nothing. Amelia, thanks for the confidence but Otafiire will stand down on that.
Franca: Where is Rugunda?
Kivumbi: Poor Ndugu, he took a slap in the face and retreated. Either way, I would fancy Otafiire too.
Tumwebaze: Are you guys saying Otafiire should be named PM now?
Mpuuga: We should be eulogise Owek Joash Mayanja Nkangi (RIP).
Kabanda: Indeed.
Kakooza: We shall pay him tribute. That goes without saying.
Kania: In the meantime, did anyone see the certificate Uneb released of Watongola?
Abiriga: Aha, she got Fs like it was the pass mark.
Katuntu: It must really be something when even Abiriga is talking about marks.
Oguzu: The shocker is that she will contest again.
Watongola: You all will be fine.
Franca: At the other end, Cissy is back headstrong.
Kitatta: Namujju of the head, thorax and abdomen fame?
Munyagwa: Apparently, the appellant court gave her a clean bill of health.
[Munyagwa has added Cissy Namujju to the group]
Fungaroo: Could the judge have taken her through practical sessions of naming the parts of the insect?
Lubwama: She didn’t know what head or thorax is but she is an MP? Isn’t this what Kalinaki called Klaptocracy?
Karooro: I hear klaptocracy, how about you first learn it yourself before trying to use it to troll another?
Lubwama: What did I do wrong now? Why does everyone find faults with me? I turn to DP, they bash me. At FDC, they are brutal. Independents don’t wanna know and now these NRM ones too… very sad. What do people envy in me, my talent or my eyes?
Fungaroo: This guy is a natural comedian just.
Mpuuga: But Kato, they told you last time the word is ‘kakristocracy’. Trying memorising that.
Ssemujju: Cissy is back, Watongola will be back. And Ingrid will still be vilified for being brutally honest.
Otto: Don’t bring up that woman’s name here.