Sunday May 11 2014

Maid wants Kyankwanzi cash for Opposition areas

By Joachim Buwembo

This time my maid seems more determined than ever to leave my house. She believes she has finally hit the jackpot. Like on the previous two occasions, she hatched the plot during festivities time. I think seeing people plan to spend big monies on parties inspires her.

Remember around last year’s Independence celebrations she was leaving because she had thought Uganda Development Bank was giving out billions of shillings in loans and then writing them off as bad debts. She misfired on that one.

Then before Christmas she took off to Juba in search of big dollars then the senseless fighting broke out and she came back in a hurry. Now at Easter time she announced that her Kyankwanzi moment had come, and she saw no need for continuing to work as a housemaid for an aging scribe who has lost contact with the movers and shakers of things in the country and no longer gets invited to cocktails in Kololo and Nakasero areas.

I looked at her suspiciously and remarked that she sounded quite resolute, to which she answered that the Kyankwanzi resolution was the cause of her resolve. Asked to elaborate, she asked,
“But can’t you see the yawning opportunity that is not being addressed?”
I admitted that I could and she fired another question:
“If the NRM Members of Parliament are picking Shs4 million per sub county in their constituency to go and market the Kyankwanzi resolution, who is doing a similar job in constituencies that are represented by Opposition MPs?”

“Hey, wait a minute…” I began to say, to which she posed another question:
“Does it mean those areas with Opposition MPs will not send delegates to the NRM delegates conference that should nominate Mzee as the sole candidate for the party for the 2016 elections?”
“Of course they will,” I answered.
“So who is selling the Kyankwanzi resolution to them to ensure they do not come to Namboole and start supporting another candidate?”

“You seem to have a point but maybe the party has not budgeted for those areas.” I said trying to kill her enthusiasm so she can stay under my service rather than start selling a good idea to the NRM finance managers.

“Even if they did not budget for the Opposition constituencies, I can show them that in the same total budget there is money that can sell the resolutions there.”
“How?” It was my turn to ask.

“Because there is double expenditure wrongly built in the budget,” she said. “Why are all those district women MPs getting money to sell the Kyanwanzi resolution - where are the ordinary MPs getting money to also do the marketing?”
“Say that again!” I half asked, half said.

“Are there different sub-counties under the districts from the sub-counties under the constituencies?” she asked impatiently.

“You mean the district women MPs could be talking to the same audience as the normal constituency MPs?”

“Not could but are,” the girl said impatiently. “So even if there are only 50 district NRM women MPs, they could be covering 300 sub counties that are already covered by normal constituency MPs. That is one point Shs2 billion being double spent!”

I was now getting more alarmed for she seemed to have made her calculations, even if rather too ambitiously. They maybe less than 300 hundred sub counties but she may not be far off the mark because NRM has far more MPs that the other parties and surely holds more than half of the districts. How was I going to stop her? I tried again.

“And what makes you think they can give you the job and money to sell the Kyankwanzi resolution in the Opposition areas?”

“But if nobody is selling the idea why shouldn’t Mzee give the job to the one who is seeing it and believes in it?” she asked. “Moreover, I am just going to the ground to start and then Mzee will hear that there is a committed girl who is doing what his planners had overlooked and he will send me the money. You thought I was just going to talk to some politicians who would steal my idea and take it to Mzee as their own?”
“And where are you starting your sales campaign?” I asked.

“Right here,” she announced. “Since this Kampala of ours is an Opposition stronghold and chances of Mzee hearing what I am doing are much higher here, I am starting here. And since I don’t have a budget yet, I shall use this house as my base for a start.”
“With whose permission?” I challenged.

“Do you want news to spread that a maid was thrown out because of her support for Mzee?”
“Are you aware Opposition supporters can beat you up on your first day of marketing the Kyankwanzi resolution?” I said, trying another approach to discourage her.

“That will make Mzee hear about me even faster, so I better start in Kisekka Market,” she said as she stepped out of the house to start her new career as a political mobiliser.