Monday March 12 2018

Special Forces called in to quell Kale, Tumu fury

Tumukunde and Kayihura

Tumukunde and Kayihura. Gen Tumu feigned bemusement and peered over his specs at the scrawny figure before him.  

By Jacobs Odongo Seaman

Gen KK looked calm. The taut and sinewy veins that decorate his temple whenever things are tight for police are no more. He is on the clay court. He held his racquet with the finesse of a professional tennis play and exuded such sleek backhands as he pranced around the tramline.

Gen KK was returning a serve when, from the corner of his eye, he noticed what looked like a familiar figure stomping courtside.
He was Gen Tumu. Presently, Gen KK’s veins shot to life. If one had a magnifying lens at hand, they would see that the blood running in them were as angry as the man for whose body system they serviced.

Hell has no fury like two generals scorned. And the two went for each other.
“Now what do you want?” asked Gen KK.
“I should be asking that. What are you doing on my court?”

“Your court? I come here more often than you clean your specs.”
“Look, I’ve no time talking to someone who caused me problems.”
“Sure, I was enjoying my police work until you came. Suddenly, kidnappings and killing of foreign nationals in hotels started and then I was blamed.”

Gen Tumu feigned bemusement and peered over his specs at the scrawny figure before him.
“Is this how you battle the stress of being discarded,” Gen Tumu said. He was in a mocking mood.
“Well, you jumped into the bottle and started biting my ears like the proverbial grasshoppers. The owner of the bottle decided to eat both of us. So stop trying too hard to pretend you are fine with everything. I know you came here to break stress too.”

“Come on, I was cleaning after your mess.”
“With whose mandate when I was there to clean up if there was any mess?”
“The appointing authority. You had failed and you were failing the system altogether.”
“You’re boring me, general. Please let me continue, my racquet needs some activity,” Gen KK said and turned to walk away.
“Wait, that is my court,” said Gen Tumu.

“Then carry the court to your home yard. By the way, I am your superior by all means. Be courteous around the courtside. I will be done in an hour and then you can have the court to yourself.”
“Superior to whom? You who joined the struggle when we had reached Mengo? You were just a ‘gunboy’ helping the real fighters carry weapons.”
“At least I knew the difference between a bullet and teargas.”
Gen Tumu momentarily looked at his shin and back at Gen KK.

“I will give you free advice, the last favour I can do a former comrade. Lie low. Don’t even come here.”
The two generals were taken in by sirens. It was unmistakably police siren. The loud sound got closer and closer until heavily armed officers stopped outside the court. They were the elite special forces command soldiers and also fire brigade.

Gen KK looked sunken as he made to inquire if they had come for him. But the commander of the team said he had been dispatched to quell a potential fight between the two generals.
“I purchased those equipment for dealing Besigye and Lukwago. Right here is me and this jolly old friend disturbing my peace, why bring those water cannon and teargas stuff?” Gen KK asked.

“You are not in position to ask such questions anymore.” It was Gen Tumu again. Gen KK beckoned at one of the officers and told him to take Gen Tumu with them. “He is disturbing my peace,” he added.
“Then sue me, isn’t that what you do best?” Gen Tumu said with disdain. “Dozens of cases of disturbing your peace are being dismissed. Even your rolex eating charges no longer work.”

Gen KK looked at the racquet in his hand, he looked back at the figure standing before him, tried to speak and no words came. The officers dispatched sensed the tension and one momentarily stepped between the two generals.
“I’m relieved you both have racquets and not guns. I’m also glad that you are both stressed. Instead of flexing here, why not release the pent up emotions on the court by playing each other?”

“This guy can’t play tennis. He’s here to just mess with my mood,” Gen KK said.
“We bet. You’ll surrender yourself to The Hague if you lose to me in best of three sets.”

“That is for women, men play four sets.”
“I thought the sack had drained you of words but I guess I have to use this racquet to finish you off today.”