Visiting Nalufenya is wastage of time, say lawmakers

Lubwama: Kabaziguruka is heading back to Luzira. Court Martial has ordered his arrest.
Abiriga: That is no surprise at all. It’s an FDC malaria.
Ecweru: Malaria?
Franca: I think he means malaise.
Kadaga: Hahahaha!
Olanya: Why doesn’t he concentrate on his yellow suits and cars instead of trying to use words that are bigger than his shoes?
Abiriga: And then the FDC people are here. Very confrontationed people.
Franca: Confrontational.
Abiriga: Franca, since when did you become my teacher.
Franca: I am just correcting so people understand you.
Abiriga: So you are my corrector?
Karooro: OMG! What is not happening?
Okupa: His battle with the queen’s tongue aside, why must someone insinuate that FDC members are confrontational or court trouble?
Anite: After Kabaziguruka, you will see Munyagwa being booked up next, and then it will be Franca and then…
Kabaziguruka: You see, you are here making the illegal warrant from the military court martial a subject of debate. But has anyone of you thought of the motive? These people want to take the public attention off the torture scandals and sugar prices effect.
Ecweru: Hello @Kyambadde?
Kyambadde: Talk to me. I am here.
Akol: I hear in a free market economy, someone ordered that retail price per kilo of sugar must not exceed Shs5,000.
Kyambadde: Yes, you heard. Now go and confirm it.
Kyambadde: Lokodo, I hear Dr Stella Nyanzi is writing again…
Rugunda: Eh, what a tactical switch you pulled off there, Kyambadde!
Lokodo: But her latest is a difficult turf to navigate.
Ecweru: Why?
Lokodo: I took it to a student near my home, but the boy said it is written in metaphors. I am told only those with a fine brain for figures of speech would understand a sentence. I have better things to do than that.
Abiriga: Where is Nyanzi’s writing?
Nabilah: Abiriga, even the way you ask for it, I doubt you should even be asking.
Mbogo: The yellow man should read Museveni’s letter to security bosses instead.
Fungaroo: But the president is shameless. He promoted and decorated the butcher of Kasese just yesterday.
Nsereko: Yes, you can’t promote, award him a medal and pretend to not know torture has been rife. Very weird times we live in.
Kadaga: The committee should get ready to tour the facility and assess it.
Mwijukye: That mission is a fail. Only the daring Kifeesi thugs announce their coming to residents. Now we are supposed to go and assess Nalufenya torture facility but we have announced it for all to hear, we shall find there a bed of roses only.
Kadaga: Did you want us to just show up there unannounced and demand access to the facility?
Ssekikubo: Either way, it is a useless venture.
Mpuuga: Kadaga is asking us to go and shear a pig expecting wool. Only in fairies maybe.
Ogwal: To think that we renewed the contract of Kayihura just yesterday breaks my heart.
Mafabi: The committee was compromised.
Kadaga: Mafabi?
Fungaroo: That is not news. The funny thing is that the givers came in pair, one side wanted disapproval, the other wanted approval.
Oulanyah: Ladies and gentlemen, Uganda is for us all. Why make such unsubstantiated allegations against yourselves?
Rugunda: Aha, it has been a while, Mr Bow Tie.
Kadaga: I chair that committee and will not tolerate such allegations unless made with evidence.
Lubwama: Money exchanging hands and I was not told? Very bad.
Okumu: Resident ATM, this is not your table of jokes. It’s a serious matter.
Mafabi: This forum is for our chitchat. What happens here is never taken serious. If we had to bring up the evidence, it would be on the floor of the House.
Mafabi: If systems worked in this country, prosecuting those accused of leading the torture would send a lesson. Nalufenya has been heard of but what of those many ‘safe houses’ around the country?
Kivumbi: It is with deep sorrow that we announce the passing on of Mzee Boniface Byanyima.
Anite: Oh no! RIP.
Lubwama: RIP Bonny.
Mirembe: May his soul rest in peace.
Mpuuga: May he forgive his foster child in his final resting place. So long, Bonny.
Oulanyah: RIP. Let’s not politicise death.
Abiriga: RIP. Who was he and what killed him?
Sebagala: Please Abiriga, it’s better to keep quiet some times.

DISCLAIMER
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.