In the footsteps of a gay man: A journalist’s journey into the Ugandan gay world

Gay terms used in the Ugandan gay community

• Top: A gay man that acts as man during intercourse.
• Botton: A gay man that acts as the woman during intercourse.
• Baldwin: An attractive male.
• Gay Curious: Gay-friendly person curious about their degree of homosexuality. This person often feels they may be gay, lesbian or bisexual but confirmation of those feelings may take further emotional or physical exploration.
• Bare backer: Gay men who want to have sex without using condoms.
• Chicken: Young boy that’s gay or a teenage-looking gay man.
• Drama queen: A gay male who reacts to situations in a highly emotional manner.
• Beard: A spouse, partner, or date of a gay person who wants to fake heterosexuality: “His wife is just a beard”.
• Cruise: To look for a sex partner in areas known for this activity; to stare at someone with the intention of attracting his or her attention.
• Down-low; DL: A term once used exclusively to refer to working-class men who live as straight men, are often married and secretly have affairs or one night stands with other men. The closest equivalent is the older phrase rough trade.
• Ex-gay: A person who identified as gay in the past, but who no longer does so.
• Friend of Dorothy: A gay man.
• The glass closet: Used to describe one who is an obvious homosexual but claims to be straight.
• Kept man: An attractive, typically younger male who financially depends on an older male and provides friendship, sexual favours and other personal services in return.
• Meanwhile: A term used mostly by gay men to point out an attractive passerby.

The first physical meeting was with Paul (not real name). We met at a popular bar and restaurant at Centenary Park at about 10:30p.m. He offered to buy me a drink but I was already nervous so I offered to buy him one instead. We talked about the World Cup and he went on and on about Brazil and France. On the face of it, Paul did not in any way look like the stereotype gay man I had expected. He was a fairly well groomed man and did not strike me as a man who would have a lot of trouble finding a girl. When I asked him how he found out he was gay, he said he had “always been attracted to boys at school rather than the girls.”

At the risk of sounding like a gay man myself, Paul was the perfect gentleman; he probably noticed that I was new to the gay community. He told me not to give myself in to someone I didn’t love. “Sex is intimate, you are still a virgin. Take your time,” he said.

At another popular bar and restaurant along Lumumba Avenue, I met two other men who wanted to take me home so I could see their houses. I always found a way out. They were never pushy. They would use insinuating words, seduce in subtle and delicate ways, at times by simply staring. Most of them wore clean shaven beards; I don’t know if it’s a gay thing. Plus, they were not bad looking, so it was hard to believe they were gay because girls weren’t interested in them.

The party
I am ashamed to admit that I never went for the gay party; I failed to muster the courage for that. After noticing that most gay men looked like the ordinary man seated next to you on an ordinary day, I was probably afraid that I would meet somebody that knew me.

Frank Mugisha
As I interacted further with these men, one common name kept coming up - Frank Mugisha. Most of them bragged about knowing a certain Frank Mugisha. From the way they spoke about him, they somewhat idolised him, occasionally claiming they were Facebook friends with him.

I googled him: Frank Mugisha is an openly gay man living in Kampala. He is the director of SMUG (Sexual Minorities Uganda), a pro-gay and lesbian NGO. He is also the personality behind icebreakersuganda.org. He is a celebrity in the gay circles. I tried asking around about him but most that bragged about knowing him didn’t really know him; the only thing I learnt is that he has a blackberry phone and is a chicken (a gay term to mean a young-looking gay man).

The stereotypes
Most of what we know about gay people is that they are men who dress almost in a feminine way and talk softly or have feminine attributes. All the gay men I spoke to and met were none of these. These people act in the same way straight people do. Like I said, they charm, seduce, deceive, cheat and naturally I would assume there is also heart breaking involved. Plus, they always talked about having protected sex.

I expected to meet insanely rich people like the tales I have heard about the gays but these people are ordinary; they use taxis, eat and hang out in ordinary places and would rather beep or send a text message than make a call. Also, they have an attraction towards white people. Most of those who go to exotic uptown places are mainly activists.