Flies and grasshoppers, but when generals call cockroaches, its time to be afraid

What is this with UPDF generals and insects? They seem to have something against six-legged creatures whose bodies are segmented into three distinct parts namely head, thorax and abdomen.

Yet they don’t hate reptiles as much, and never killed snakes in the bush. No wonder General Kahinda Otafiire says in that famous TV clip that its okays if he is made a minister for crocodiles. But insects, they hate with a passion.

Unsurprisingly, the usually collected UPDF chief Gen Aronda Nyakairima last week suddenly “ate the insects” (yalidde obuwuka – got mad) when his predecessor Maj Gen Mugisha Muntu brought flies into national political discourse. Muntu was addressing an A4C rally at Kawempe when he advised UPDF officers not to be like the proverbial dumb flies that stick to a (smelly) corpse even as it is lowered into the grave, and end being buried with it.

Now the uniforms had hitherto respected Muntu even since he joined the opposition, and were saluting him along the way when he staged his walk to work. And Gen Aronda is usually a man of measured speech. But the flies thing got at him.

He reportedly told an officers corps in Mbuya that he regrets ever serving under Mugisha Muntu. Now the last major regret we heard was voiced by Col Kizza Besigye who regretted having saved his former patient’s life on several occasions.

Dr Besigye tendered his deep heartfelt apologies to Ugandans for having repeatedly given medical treatment to Gen Yoweri Museveni – thereby keeping him alive till acceding to the country’s presidency. Besigye thus offered to carry out his obligation to remove Museveni.

Mugisha Muntu is not the first army commander to see insects when he looks at former colleagues. Immediately after he was removed from being Chief of Defence Forces, Maj Gen Jeje Odong was not amused by UPDF spokesman Col Phinehas Katirima who offered explanations to the press for the removal, saying army secrets had been leaking to the media.

Jeje replied that the trouble with grasshoppers is they stupidly bite at each other when closed in a bottle, and neglect to focus on their common problem. Fortunately, Jeje equated stupidity to grasshoppers long before that insect acquired special significance to the Baganda with the announcement of Prince Ssemakokiro’s birth – but let us not digress.

Still about nsenene (grasshoppers): While most to NRM heavyweights feel duty-bound to say something nasty about Col Besigye, Gen Otafiire has always seemed too reluctant to abuse their bush-time doctor. But when his silence on Besigye’s became so loud, Otafiire pulled a mean one against the retired colonel, that Besigye is like a man who fries his nsenene mixed with butterflies (ebiwojjolo). What graphic representation of confusion! Not even a naked, mad fellow can dare eat a kiwojjolo.

That is enough insult dose to cushion Otafiire against suspicion of secretly liking Besigye for a while. We civilians should feel reassured when generals are attacking each other using words, instead of their lethal equipment. And I suspect they picked this annoying use of insects from a historic NRM external wing operative who became deputy IGG and later Member of Parliament.

MP Wasswa Lule once waited for the NRA top brass to go for a reflective trek in Luweero, the way they now take the NRM caucus to Kyankwanzi, and unleashed his insect attack.
Wasswa Lule was commenting on corruption ten long years ago and said when you see flies swarming around you, it a sign that you are smelling – go take a bath.
That really hurt.

It was a time when MPs still enjoyed immunity from arrest without following several protocols – being notified well in advance and given opportunity to inform your constituents, sending an officer of a certain rank to pronounce the state of arrest etc... But Hon Wasswa Lule was swiftly carted off to the cells presumably to name who was smelling and help the police identify the flies that were swarming around him.
Our generals so despise insects and smaller species they will compare you to such when you anger them.

Like Maj Gen Jim Muhwezi invoked the comparative wisdom and sense of justice of gonococci during a spat with his former fellow spy chief Amama Mbabazi. Muhwezi said even the gonococci are sensible enough to spare the innocent navel and attack the guilty private parts instead.

Flies, butterflies and grasshoppers. You can laugh now. But if the generals start mentioning cockroaches, we must call them to order. Remember Rwanda?

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