We men must lead the charge in taking exception to the new Public Service Regulations which imply that we are like cocks that cannot restrain their sexual appetite at the sight of a hen!
Any man who claims sexual harassment or suddenly experiences a burst of libido in his veins at the sight of a woman's cleavage, thighs, shapely behind or whatever other body part, should go back to his mother's womb for lessons on maturity and self-control/restraint.
Under the new so called dress-code regulations for non-uniformed public service officers, what happens to those women who are naturally more endowed than others? Will they be compelled to wear sacks to work just so their male workmates do not get distracted?! Do the new measures apply equally to men who have effeminate body parts, well-chiselled abs or those who wear fitting clothes?
Can't a woman whose entire body is wrapped in a hijab and niqab sexually harass a man? By the same token, can't a man dressed in a cassock or tunic sexually harass a woman?
We're fast becoming a pretentious society that values religious sacraments over spiritual depth; academic papers over intellectual rigour; palatial houses over homes; accentuation of speech over substance and truth; and veiled military rule over authentic democracy.
Totalitarianism, in my opinion, is the erasure of the line between private rights and individual liberties in the public arena. The State, especially a predatory, corrupt and poorly run one as Uganda has no business in our bedrooms and certainly none over how we dress.
Rights aren't taken away overnight. They are taken away in small bits and one day you wake up to find a soldier deployed at every house, children compelled to spy on their parents and an increasingly senile octogenarian planning to amend a Constitution so that he can rule until he drops dead!
It is unfortunate that lately, and more often than not, every time a public official speaks in this country, the public is either scandalised, outraged, simply dumbstruck or all the three. All the while their counterparts in neighbouring countries are launching medical evacuation aircraft, alternative mass-transportation systems, bio conservation plans, stronger internet connectivity platforms and larger bandwidths as well as long-term credit facilities for commerce.
In Uganda, we are being told how to dress, who to sleep with, how to sleep with them...and soon, perhaps, as a certain defrocked priest who occupies the docket titled Ministry of Ethics and Integrity seems to think, what time and from where we should have sex! The nerve.
Sometimes it looks like these are attempts at diverting public attention from the ailing economy, institutional breakdown and all else that is messed up with our society. But then maybe that's to assume too much thoughtfulness on the part of some of these hapless and hopeless so called public officials!
Someone tell the Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Public Service, Ms Catherine Bitarakwate and her colleague the Human Resources Manager at the same ministry, Ms Adah Muwanga that I am offering to buy them sexy and lacy lingerie (with matching makeup sets from the international department store, Macy's) so that whenever boredom sets in, they can take time and try the pieces on or apply the different shades of mascara and eyeliner while waiting for the clock to strike 5pm.
It's about time I played Sisqo's Thong Song.