It should take a whole village to raise a child

Dear Buregyeya;
It is been a while since I wrote to you. The African proverb: “It takes a whole village to raise a child,” reminds me of our early life in Kigarama. This is African world view that emphasises the values of family relationships, parental care, self-sacrificing concern for others, sharing, and even hospitality. The real sense of building a foundation for strong moral fabric was the typical process that we went through as we grew up.

In the African view of this, I will tell you that child upbringing is a communal effort. The responsibility for raising a child is shared with the larger family (sometimes called the extended family). Everyone in the family participates, especially the older children, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and even cousins. It is not unusual for African children to stay for long periods with their grandparents or aunts or uncles. Even the wider community gets involved such as neighbours and friends.

Simply put, being the first born of my late parents, there was a lot that had to be done, especially to ensure that I grow up a responsible person. Memories of how I graduated from putting on a dress to a pair of shorts when I was going to school for the very first time are still clear in my mind. On this fateful day, I had many challenges, but I will share one.

During break time, I was supposed to go for a short call. I feared going to the urinals with my fellow pupils because I knew they would laugh at me for failure to know how to remove my shorts. I opted to take the route to my home. I started fidgeting with the shorts and in the process, Kweita came. Kweita was an elderly guy we feared as children for being some sort of village social outfit; he was more or less taken as a mad person. So Kweita comes and finds me in the process. I felt like running away, but I was badly off and needed help. I did not ask Kweita to help me, but he realised I needed help. He helped me remove my shorts and I would comfortably make my short call (my son calls it susu). Kweita did not have to be my parent to help me do my thing.

This scenario is just one among the many that I have experienced in my life. I will cut the story short to mention that when I lost my parents, I saw a village coming together to raise me and my siblings up. From my Aunties in the village, who would host me during school holidays, to my other Aunties, who would take me to school whenever it was beginning of term, to my other aunties who would pay my fees, to my sisters who acted as my parents, catered for my needs, to my brothers who really made sure they taught me what to expect in life, to my uncles abroad who would send in items that open my mind to the world beyond my physical reach, to my neighbours, who would roast g-nuts and maize for me as I returned to school, to my future friends who saw me, believed in me, and took it upon themselves to empower me, to the guys whose intentions I struggled to understand until I would simply triumph over their evil intentions, to the whole world from which I have learnt to become some sort of super human (my dream). I can tell you that I have been raised by a village, bigger than Kigarama.

Now my friend, I tell you that this makes me appreciate the African proverb that I mentioned in the first lines. The beauty with children raised by “a whole village” is that they have a unique understanding of life and society. They know the real meaning of life; they are privileged to transfer such a favour to the next generation. They save life and they do not take life of another person. They do not steal from their neighbours. They do not involve themselves in acts of social disorder, including robbery, murder -they respect others, and they aim at making the world a better place.

It is unfortunate that I am writing to you at a time when the moral fibre of our society seems not to hold any longer, too much public murders, too much greed and embezzlement among our leaders, at a time when our schools have lost track and they now aim at making money other empowering society. People no longer care about the future of children for as long as they are not theirs.

Gone are the days when Kweita would find a child stranded and helps them like he would do to his own child. What went wrong? We seem to have forgotten that the success of my neighbour’s child is directly beneficial to my child too. We seem not to care about what the future holds for this country, otherwise we would be caring to raise children in the right manner.

In my opinion, we should appreciate that the upbringing of our children is the single most important factor in ensuring a strong moral fabric.
Let it be known by everyone that once we as a “village” take the occasion to raise our children collectively and responsibly, we shall save this country from the immoral acts that have broken families, the crimes that have taken people’s lives, the theft of public resources by badly raised unscrupulous leaders at different levels, and the uncertainty that comes with entrusting unlearned people with responsibility. This country will be much better with values and morals. And we shall all rejoice a well groomed nation.
Until my next note, Greetings from Kigarama.

Mr Kyokwijuka is the executive director at Youth Aid Africa. [email protected]