Sunday March 16 2014

Let women strip men who wear ‘balance’ trousers

By Joachim Buwembo

It was Women’s Day, and the maids were talking about the women they had been seeing on NTV doing tough jobs. The steel bender cum welder seems to have impressed them most. But they were also full of praises for another woman who washes 20 cars a day. They grimaced on recalling the carpenter who works with dangerous machines.
“After struggling like that you buy yourself a nice dress and then some bayaye tear it up saying it is a mini,” my maid complained with bitterness.
“For me I am waiting for some bayaye to mess with me and they will regret why they were ever born,” swore the minister’s maid.
“But they come in a mob and you might not be able to do anything except scream for help,” observed my maid.

“I’ll go down with one of them with my nails firmly inside his eyes and will swear they were trying to rape me when police comes,” insisted the minister’s maid.
“But how can such nonsense take place in this day when people are supposed to be sensible?” asked my maid irritably.

“Well, they heard that Father Lokodo’s new law makes wearing provocative clothes illegal and so they are taking it upon themselves to punish the people they think dress badly by removing any clothes they have,” explained her friend.

“And is it only women who can wear clothes provocatively?” asked my maid.
“Certainly not,” quickly answered the minister’s maid. In any case women in minis look so attractive it is desperate fellows who get angry with them. I think men who “tie balance” are far more indecently dressed and are so disgusting to see.”
“In fact it is true!” screamed my maid in agreement. “Yesterday I met this kaman who had ‘balanced’ his trousers and I just wanted to cane his stupid exposed small bums. His ka-shirt was stopping up there in the waistline and the belt was starting halfway down his bum. You could see all his stupid bum!”

“I think the fat boys are more disgusting when they tie balance than the thin ones,” remarked the minister’s maid. “All that flab spilling over the belt is too disgusting to look at.”

“I wonder what it is that they are advertising,” wondered my maid aloud.
“Whatever they are advertising is certainly at the wrong address,” said the minister’s maid. “They are the ones who should be arrested and not the ones who advertise things at the right address.”
“Surely, why hasn’t Father Lokodo been fighting trouser balancing since it makes most of us want to puke?” asked my maid.

“Indeed, and if you keep puking in public places nobody will like it,” supported the minister’s maid. “Imagine you are seated in this taxi and the man seated on your right has to get out. He stands up as you shift your body leftwards for him to pass. Then his exposed bum actually rubs against your face because of balancing! How can you not vomit? These are the fellows who should be arrested under the anti-pornography law.”

“They say it is a man’s world,” said my maid resignedly.
“I think the women should start undressing every man whose trousers are balancing,” retorted the minister’s maid. “When several chaps have been undressed like that maybe Father Lokodo will take note and hasten to give accurate description of what dresses and dimensions break the law. He should not leave it to everybody to make their interpretation. For me, the most illegal form of dressing should be the balanced trousers.”