Youth minister threatening comedian Pablo’s business
Posted Sunday, October 6 2013 at 01:00
Now I know that whenever a wild statement comes from a high state official, I shall not judge them mad. But I’ll be knowing that those are a few more millions unknowingly lost by poor Mr Pablo.
My maid can be a scatterbrain at times. She has this habit of sometimes hearing half of a statement then getting excited before getting the context in which it is made. And so it was last week when she wailed at the top of her voice claiming that she was going to be raped.
I knew there was nobody in the house who was about to rape the damn maid, so I angrily rushed downstairs and demanded to know why she was raising alarm over such a vulgar subject.
“But mzee, the minister for youth has declared that all girls wearing minis should be raped!” she said. “We have just heard it on the radio.”
“Shut up and next time listen carefully before you raise such an alarm,” I hissed at her.
But her visitor, the minister’s maid from up the street, came to her rescue, also saying the minister had said words to that effect. “Actually they were talking about it last night at home and honourbale said the minister had done a very good thing.”
“A good thing!” it was my turn be annoyed. Maybe my maid had reason to scream after all, if another minister was backing the mini rape stance. “Yes, he said the youth minister did a very good thing because those things were said at the time when the terrorists attacked Nairobi,” elaborated the minister’s maid.
“I am afraid I don’t get the connection,” I said.
“Honourable said that his youth colleague the country with the much needed comic relief,” she said promptly. “I had never heard the term but learnt it that day. That with the pain of the al-Shabaab bombing in Kampala during the World Cup finals still with us, and knowing that it is Uganda that really broke al-Shabaab’s back by kicking them out of Mogadishu, they have even more reason to hate us than the Kenyans. So honourbale said if Ugandans had continued to focus on the Nairobi attack, the tension and anxiety would have been so much here that no work would get done. That is why he thinks the comic remarks attributed to the youth minister were a heroic act which he need not deny.”
“O my God…” I groaned but the minister’s maid went on.
“Honourable also said his youth colleague also helped to end the teacher’s strike. Mbu the teachers’ were getting a lot of public sympathy which was strengthening their resolve to keep away from class. But when the rape call came, the public lost interest in the teachers’ case and everybody jumped onto the youth minister’s minis. That the teacher read the changed signs and relented.”
“You mean the now denied rape call was not an accident?” I asked, not really wanting to get a confirmation from my valuable source. “Whether accidental or not, it served a useful purpose and my boss and his friends were quite happy with it,” she said firmly.
“So are we going to hear more bizarre remarks from the youth minister which he will deny after they have served a useful purpose?” I asked. “They did not say that, I mean honourable and his friends,” she answered. “But I remember another minister saying as I was refilling his wine glass that he was abandoning his plan to hire Pablo to be providing comic relief during times of public tension.”
“You mean comedian Pablo was going to land a deal of amusing people whenever tension rises in the public?” I said looking at her incredulously. “Well at least one minister was mooting a deal for him and I don’t think even poor Pablo knew he was on the verge of getting a fat retainer from some State agency.”
“But why cancel, why not give Pablo his contract?” I insisted. “The other minister said that since they can do it themselves, at least some of their colleagues, then there is no need to pay Pablo with taxpayers’ money to sell comic relief.”
I was not amused at all by what I was hearing. But I agreed that it was logical and actually patriotic, for ministers to provide comic relief during times of national tension rather than hiring professional comedians. And I had also become wiser. Now I know that whenever a wild statement comes from a high state official, I shall not judge them mad. But I’ll be knowing that those are a few more millions unknowingly lost by poor Mr Pablo.