Golola can liberate Uganda from Gen Museveni and Gen Sejusa
Posted Sunday, October 13 2013 at 01:00
Ordinarily, the only gladiatorial sport I care for is tennis, placing Moses Golola’s kick boxing among primitive enterprises. But after deep reflection, I have the idea that something really big and positive could be made out of Golola’s gift; a patriotic duty; a heroic role; the saving of the whole nation.
You see, since Gen Sejusa’s volcanic rumour about the so-called “Muhoozi (presidential) Project”, Ugandans have been forming fantasies of liberation; and Gen Sejusa’s messages have evolved (in slow motion) into a declaration of war on Gen Museveni’s regime.
Museveni has not disappointed, expressing satisfaction that Gen Sejusa knows his address, and Museveni’s camp had been waiting for him for some months.
This is Hollywood. The two men probably feel like Tom Hanks and Brad Pitt.
But wait a minute. Even Hollywood has men who do the stunts, little people who get bruised. So, how much of their own blood are Sejusa and Museveni actually ready to shed?
Most probably, they are banking on others to die for them. But now that they have enlisted some of Dr Obote II’s feared henchmen (Rwakasisi for Museveni; Ogole for Sejusa … and so on), we may as well sort out both of them.
This is where our deal with Moses Golola comes in. Do you remember that famous cry by Gen Sejusa?
“All the heroes are dead!”
We are to put the two generals in one corner of the ring.
There was an age when real warriors did not hide in war offices, when it was cowardice to fight through proxies, when a true general led his men and fought, man to man. They had enough courage to stake their own blood, their own flesh. They fought with swords and their bare hands: They did not fear death. And their women knew and loved them as men who were glad to be men.
The task for Gen Sejusa and Gen Museveni is to redeem their honour.
In the opposite corner is Moses Golola. He is our demolition man. The rest of us readily admit our inadequacy, even our cowardice. We are a type of chicken. Golola’s brief is to try and destroy the two generals in the ring, whiskers and all.
By Golola’s own mouth, his breakfast porridge is a bowl of cement.
He is no joke. But neither is a team of two generals.
Golola’s last victim was a UPDF soldier (or former soldier). Not a general, but a young man. Fighting on one side is more than sufficient compensation for Sejusa and Museveni’s slightly advanced age.
This encounter is do or die. If the generals prevail, Golola is paid nothing, and he and all his descendants will be banished from the land called Uganda for two generations; 60 years. Gen Museveni keeps for life the places he covets most; namely, Kampala, oil-rich Bunyoro and mineral-rich Karamoja; which, rather like Gaza and the West Bank, will be deemed to form one State.
The rest of Uganda will be governed by General Sejusa, also for life. Call the system Federo Conc Extra, or whatever you like. Existing constitutional arrangements are to be suspended.
The two generals are to sign a pact: Considering that many Ugandans are apparently horrified by visions of a country ruled by Museveni’s son, Brig Muhoozi Kainerugaba, even if there is no scientific evidence to justify their fears, and considering that Gen. Sejusa may also harbour nefarious inheritance projects of his own, in the name of fair play, no Museveni or Sejusa family member is to inherit power in the two federal states for at least two generations; 60 years.
What happens when Museveni and Sejusa eventually pass on? The citizens of the day will decide.
Our deal continues: If Moses Golola wins, we banish Museveni and Sejusa from this land for two generations; 60 years. We settle Golola with a single payment; say, Shs100 billion, avoiding a situation like the plague of veterans still claiming favours for liberating Ugandans 27 years ago.
Then we set up a new constitutional order. Suddenly, Golola stands taller than any gladiator on a tennis court!
Mr Tacca is a novelist and socio-political commentator.