‘Control your wife’, Who still says that?
I know what you think about my mother, sister or daughter the moment you open your mouth to speak about the place of a wife in marriage. Let’s go.
Recently, newspapers were awash with details of a meeting that sat to resolve misunderstandings in a big organisation. One man was on the receiving end, accused of hatching a plot to cause disunity in that organisation.
As I saluted the spirit in which this organisation sat to resolve its conflicts – which I thought was a transparent manner where all parties involved participated in the deliberations — one of the leaders spoilt my day when he dropped a bombshell, accusing the man in the “dock” of failing to “control” his wife. Really?
I took offence in the word “control”, especially when it is used in reference to women. Never mind the accuser too, at some point failed to “control” his wife who wanted a certain political seat!
In Africa, “controlling women” comes with a baggage of the past where women were seen as objects, inferior to men, and therefore, it was the man’s job to rein in their conduct.
This kind of viewpoint has bred enormous suffering to women over the years. Wife beating, polygamy, female genital mutilation, and owning women as property or using them as sex slaves of sorts, or as workers on men’s shambas, were all products of this school of thought.
Today’s woman has come a long way. She has braved the rain and sunshine to be who she is. She is also educated like the man. Times have changed.
Majority of men know their wives are equals. They can agree and disagree on principles without him picking a stick to discipline the “shameless” wife.
Women are no longer told to do as men say. In every inch, they are women and human beings, in as much as men are human.
Today’s man is expected to sit down with his wife to chart out the destiny of their marriage, they choose to compromise when it helps them, and they may also choose to disagree if need arises.
That is why it came as a surprise that leaders of an organisation that has worked tirelessly to emancipate women, talked about who wasn’t controlling their wives.
I was disappointed further that no one challenged that person. Since what transpired in that meeting came out to the light, I have been wondering what the speaker wanted his colleague to do with the “stubborn” wife, who refused to buy his line of thinking or refused to cook him supper.
Did “controlling the wife” mean suing her for having a different opinion from his? Would he call a family meeting to report that his wife has a different view? Would he divorce her for not sharing his opinion? Or, was he supposed to act like a backward man - beat her for insubordination!
Guys, when your wife says she does not agree with your views on things such as pollution, angels and demons, life after death, monarchs or democracy, there is little you can do. You can only reason with her until the cows come home.
Why would a united family disintegrate for differing on whether to use contraceptives or not, to vote for FDC or DP, on who will win between Arsenal and Manchester United, or who will win the next election between Museveni and Besigye? If you believe she should be spanked, then you belong to the past.
Women have moved on. Men have too. It’s a partnership, everyone’s opinion is respected, and people learn and unlearn without putting up a physical fight. It is no longer a man’s world. It is a new world, a world I am privileged to raise my daughters.
