‘Dear ex, mourn but in secret’

From time immemorial, the pain of losing someone you know is unbearable. Thus mourning has no formula or the need for permission from anyone to mourn. Some people though, cry more than the bereaved and it leaves others wondering.
When my brother died, his ex and baby mama arrived at the time of the funeral service. She (ex) wailed and rolled on the floor saying all kinds of “how can you do this to me?” statements. Most people who knew about their past rolled eyes in disgust. “She does not have a right to mourn” they whispered but she was left alone anyway.
Recently, Ivan Ssemwanga passed on and most people were eager to know how his ex and mother of his three boys, Zari Hassan, would react. Rumours on social media alleged that she had been forbidden from attending the burial but her being the mother of the deceased’s ‘known’ children, we expected her to show face either as an ex, a friend or just to support their boys.
Zari kept calm but in some occurrences, her emotions were “in the air” though hidden under black shades. Her boys were her support all the way: they held her hand and hugged her repeatedly. I am sure Ssemwanga’s family did not expect Zari to even shed a tear but why shouldn’t she? After reading Ssemwanga’s obituary, I understood why Zari shed tears for her ex.
First, those two have a past that began with empty wallets and ended in a pools of riches. They have three sons and many years of friendship. That is not something you throw away in a month or even years. An ex should not be treated like a terrorist, you should not let bad memories rob away the sweet years the two of you shared. Love never dies, it is just lost due to a heap of frustrations that keep piling over the years but a person you once cared for will make your heart ache when he/she is in pain.
Now, the issue comes with the current spouse. If your spouse witnesses you are mourning your ex as though he/she was still your bestie, it will definitely hurt them. So, as you wail and roll in the grass for your ex, remember that you once loved him/her but be mindful not to lose yourself in the moment. Remember that you moved on and that a living spouse waits for you at home.
You wouldn’t want your present to envy the past. And if he/she is the sensitive kind, my sister/brother, mourn in secret lest you risk coming back from the burial to a divorce letter waiting at the door step.
Bottom-line, moving on and divorce does not take away your right to mourn the ex.

Twitter: @kalungixtyn