Heart to Heart
‘Detoothing’: Are men to blame for the rising trend?
Posted Thursday, February 20 2014 at 02:00
Show me the money. The trend is growing and today you will find a type of car associated with gold-diggers. Olive Eyotaru took time to dig out thoughts on the trend. Here’s what James Onen, aka Fat Boy, a radio presenter had to say.
What is detoothing?
Detoothing is usually synonymous with gold digging. It basically is a tendency by some women to extract resources from a man. But there is a catch, in this case, with no reciprocation. Gold digging and detoothing are essentially a case of a woman wanting to have her cake and eat it too. She will expect you to do things for her and yet she will not reciprocate.
Isn’t it only fair for a woman to get financial benefits from a man for her time?
I do not think she should be obliged to give up her free time just like that. We all attach value to our various attributes. I work on radio and I believe that what I bring to radio deserves some financial compensation. It can be professional, social or even…sexual skills. [Laughs]
So you think there shouldn’t be any qualms about women doing this?
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman who wants money for her time, her body or whatever. If a woman decides that, “Hey if you want a piece, this is what it is going to cost or take,” I have no problem with that, as long as the man, who is offering her that money, feels he is getting value for it. If there is a girl who wants to be taken to fancy places or wants expensive gifts, I have no problem with that, as long as I am getting a return on my “investment”.
But men complain and curse women for “chewing” their hard-earned money.
Men are conditioned to expect women to make these demands. This is why we work hard. If you are interested in a girl, you take her out and offer financial assistance with the view of having her pay you back. But some men encourage this by offering money. See, there are two tiers to sexual attraction when it comes to females.
A woman’s natural attraction is to men who exhibit dominant characteristics; usually the bad boy, confident and indifferent. That is the Alpha Male, who may not have the money, but women will give up the goods for free.
The Beta Male is the guy who understands that the way to secure sex from a woman is through spending the money. But do men encourage women to be materialistic? No, it is just a fact of nature, where men are the providers.
With more women gaining financial independence, don’t you think tables are turning?
The more economically independent a woman is, the more thuggish her boyfriends tend to be. The dynamics have changed a bit so there is a growing culture of Beta Males adopting Alpha Male tendencies. This is called “game”. I suppose there are some men who are detoothing but it is not as common. Men are slaves to their ego and most won’t be seen bragging that they live off their women.
Should women be blamed for encouraging the vice?
It is one thing for it to be mutually beneficial so if you want to date me, partake of the resources in exchange of what you are willing to offer. A girl who is detoothing keeps dangling in front of you the allure of sex or love, and as soon as she gets what she wants, she runs.
Women are dishonest because they drag men to believe it is all about love. Come on! If you want financial benefits, tell me right from the start that this is what you expect, instead of taking me on a wild goose chase.
Are Ugandan women any different from others?
Any woman, in Uganda or anywhere will exploit you if she can. She will use her sexual allure to extract resources from you. There is no place where this does not happen.
In America, women are walking away with millions of dollars in divorce settlements. If there is any difference, it is the result of variations in amount of opportunities.
Should men tighten the grip on their wallets?
Nooo… spend, but wisely, just make sure you are getting value for your money. If you are going to pay her rent, make sure you are getting the amount and quality of sex that you think compensates for that expenditure.
What are the signs of a potential detoother?
If you spend a certain amount of money, wait for her to reciprocate. It is like a business. If I want to start a company, I will set aside capital for some time to see how business goes. If you want to inject more money, you would want to look at projections and forecast a likely return on the business. It is the same thing in a relationship.
If I take her out and two weeks later I have not kissed her or three months later we have not yet slept together, then I see no “business”. But that depends on your value system. If your interest is to sleep with her, decide what the yardstick is and whether you can tolerate that.
If women want nice things, they have to give. It should be commensurate to what men give them. Period!
men to blame. For Rukh-Shana Namuyimba, a news anchor on NTV, if a man puts himself out there as a potential “provider” then he is to blame for falling into the trap.