A child can be sexually attracted to a parent

A fortnight ago, an anonymous 19-year-old high school reader sent a letter to Full Woman magazine, confessing to not only being sexually attracted to her father but to also have, successfully, seduced and had sex with him. As you can imagine, she startled many, attracting mixed reactions. Some readers rushed to blame the father, calling him all sorts of names. Others did not doubt the incident, pointing to the other numerous fibres of society that have decayed.

Yet, some argued that the letter must have been forged by the media for this or other reasons. And who could blame the doubting Thomas’s? No one wants to believe that such a thing as a father and daughter getting together sexually is even remotely possible.

Bizarre as it may seem however, Beatrice Balitenda Kakembo, a counsellor with Inspirations Centre, explains that it is actually possible for a child to be sexually attracted to a parent of the opposite sex.

The influencing factors
At the peak of puberty, if the child is not exposed, for example if they never get to socialise with the opposite sex, such situations are likely to occur.

Social background
In reference to the anonymous reader’s dilemma, Kakembo says, “If the father comes from a poor social background, he is likely to commit incest. Similarly, if the girl has been poorly raised, the same is true.” She explains that some parents are “too busy” to counsel their children to delay sex, resulting in them getting introduced to it at a tender age.

“Seeing as sex creates a longing, the girl may end up perceiving it as a natural need. When the option available is the father, she sleeps with him,” she notes.

Missing mother-link
Either by natural instinct or from societal lessons, mothers tend to be mindful of the possibility of their daughters and husbands crossing the red line. Kakembo notes that once the mother is missing in the daughter’s parenting cycle, for instance in the case of single fathers, then incest in such homes comes as no surprise. This is usually due to a void in the motherly checks and balance system. “As mothers, we expect such situations so we take precautionary measures. So, if the mother is not there or is unaware of this possibility, problems are bound to arise,” she cautions.

Faulting the parent
“Men are weird, they can claim the girl looks like the mother and just get involved with her, as if to fill the gap. I think it is something psychological,” opines Sandra Twesigye, 45, a mother and teacher.

This is where Henry Nsubuga, a psychologist and the manager, Makerere University Counselling and Guidance Centre faults the fathers. “As parents, and adults, we should always have self-control for our sexual emotions. Failure to set boundaries is the root cause of all these evils,” he shares. Job Kirija, a programme officer with National NGO Forum, adds his voice to the counsellor’s saying, “The father is reckless and unserious; he is to blame because he ought to have acted as a parent.”

Kirija does not spare the girl either: “Both are at fault. By 19, the girl’s sense of moral judgment should be mature just, like the father’s.”

And Kakembo agrees with him, “I don’t even think that girl seduced the father. In any case, he has veto powers, he could have chosen to refuse, counsel the girl as a father or even punish her. You won’t lay down any woman who by passes by you, let alone your daughter!”

Way forward
Nsubuga recommends professional counselling as the most practical solution, on top of self-restraint. “Girls faced with such dilemmas should confide in a relative or anybody trustworthy and mothers must be on the lookout,” he cautions.