Heart to Heart
A year later, I still miss my ex
Posted Thursday, March 6 2014 at 02:00
Dear Heart to Heart, I was in a relationship with a pretty lady whom I discovered to be cheating on me. Recently, I received a phone call from the man she was seeing. I cut communication with her but I later realised that I was still in love with her. She was still seeing the man and she asked me to let her be. It is now a year ago but I have failed to get over her; I dream about her and see our future together. I know all this is a fallacy but I have tried to move on in vain. I have read a lot of literature on how to let go, listened to songs, met many prettier ladies but nothing has changed. My worry is that I am aging and considerable pressure is being mounted on me to marry. What am I supposed to do? In fact I had vowed not to relate again.
Anonymous, everybody thinks their breakup is the most traumatic one ever – fact! But the truth of the matter is that break-ups always happen, and life goes on. One of the things that seems to be keeping you from moving on is holding onto false hope. Like most people, you are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with your ex. If you keep thinking about how badly you’ve been hurt, you will continue to hurt. But if you want to deal with this break-up quickly, stop feeling sorry for yourself and be determined and proactive in helping yourself get over her. Remember, all human beings are uniquely different. Being hurt by one doesn’t mean you will be hurt by the next one you meet.
Dear Anonymous, one year is not enough to recover from a heartbreak. If you have not yet let go, you need to work harder on letting her go. She cheated on you and she asked you to leave her alone, if you don’t accept this, you will never be able to find your true love. Don’t be pressured to marry because you are aging. Why hurry to marry and remain miserable and sad all your fruitful life? You deserve better.
Hey buddy, I will start by blaming you for letting go because you discovered that your girlfriend has another man. Real men don’t let go, they fight on. Then, you can never have authority over your girlfriend, she is not your wife and so she still has room to do anything. So she was not cheating on you - cheating is for married people, she was just weighing you with others. I know it is difficult to close some relationships, others are just even impossible to stop but given the circumstances, we always have to stop them. If this lady asked you to let her be, you should. It’s past a year and she is not communicating, and yet she was the one in wrong, meaning she has no regrets about your breakup. I suspect the reason that man called you is because you have been calling her, so he wants to stop you. And if you have been calling, it means you have not given yourself enough time to forget her.
Dear Anonymous, never marry because you are being pressured, because you will be the one to endure the effects of such a marriage. You have not mentioned how old you are but you stated your worry of aging.
Age is just a number, so take time to choose the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. You did not disclose what the other man said to you or even what you both talked about when he called you – this could be important in giving us a bigger picture of your girl and him. She asked you to let her be and even showed you signs that she is with another person.
Leave that lady and move on with your life. There are lots of women who would appreciate and love you back. A cheating partner is never marriage material, even when they are beautiful outside. Whatever you desire in her, another woman can give, or even much better. A year without her yet you dream and see the future? This could be your imagination because you don’t want to let her be. All that you say you have done to let go will not work until you change your mindset. If indeed you are prepared to let go, then erase all the things that might remind you of her. Good luck!
I am disappointed in you, brother for two reasons. First, why are you hiding your name? This tells me you are good at running away from yourself and your problems.
Mr Anonymous, standing up to challenges is a step closer to being a man, a thing this girl didn’t find in you, but found in someone else. Unless you work on your confidence you won’t get her, or keep any other.
Secondly, you left that girl knowing it was the right thing to do; you were cheated on, heartbroken, and then you returned begging. You have no courage to see a brighter day. Open your eyes man and let go. There are lots of good girls waiting for you, and you are there playing second best. Work on your game. Don’t disappoint your father.
Hi Anonymous, your relationship with that woman is a pipe dream. It will never happen. Candidly speaking, the earlier you believe she is not for you, the better. It is good you have tried to move on but you must not give up on forging a way forward. The best advice to you is to pick one of the many pretty girls you have seen around and convince yourself that she is better than your ‘dream’ girlfriend. If I told you to stick with her and hope she will change, that would be poor advice. She is too loose and you wouldn’t even trust your sons and brothers with her in future.
Counsellor’s take: Nankunda H Mwijuka, Healing Talk Counseling Services