Away with this going on one knee nonsense
While enjoying honey-flavoured black coffee and browsing through the newspaper last week, one article stood out. Not for anything else, but the chutzpah of one lady who the writer interviewed, to whine about how her boyfriend had proposed in a “casual” way. She expected something with more frills and a bit of drama. Initially, I chose to ignore it but somehow it kept popping back in my mind like a bad penny.
The other women in the article were no different in how this proposal thing should be done. They more or less “dreamt” of it being something they can brag about to their friends or something that will get even the haters talking. Is it an ego trip? Or just a decision taken to a commitment? Whether the proposal is done like in the movies — on a bended knee, a plane flying a banner in the sky, or like the State of the Nation address, it should not be taken lightly.
My problem is with the way our women perceive these things, and how many men are led to worry more about the occasion than the intent. I even wonder why men, especially in Uganda, should propose marriage on bended knee. And these are my reasons.
First, it is in our culture. I may not be aware of how it is done in many communities, but I am sure of one thing: Kneeling is submission. Across many cultures, men do not kneel. When you kneel before someone, you acknowledge that person as superior in some way or the other. Even the bible instructs the wife to be submissive and the husband to love and respect her. Personally, I have issues with these “kneeling-kneeling” things. My daughter does not greet me that way. She does not have to show respect for me while on her knees. But if she will kneel for her husband, it is their business.
Secondly, it is in the numbers. The last census showed that there are way fewer men than women. The ratio of men to women is 94.5 to 100 and the number of men has been declining since 1969. Also, there are 16.9 million men compared to 17.9 million women (I’m sure you can do the remaining Maths for the difference). And like they say: Men lie, women lie, numbers don’t. The dating mathematics mean every man has more options for a wife than every woman has the chance of getting a husband. So, why should he “beg on bended knee” when he clearly has the advantage of numbers?
Lastly, it is in the answer. When a man proposes to a woman, he expects a definite “Yes”. So, if he goes through all that proposal drama, with an expensive ring at a fancy restaurant that could have cost him an arm and a leg, he better be sure not come back with egg on his face. And Lord have mercy if he dare use a loud speaker. So, I guess the most lot better play safe than have their self-esteem shattered.
I mean, who would want to find themselves in the shoes of that Chinese man who lined up 99 iPhones in the shape of a heart to propose to his girlfriend, and she said NO? That video went viral. And do you know how much it cost that dude? A clean 55,000 pounds... Ouuuch!
