Breakups: Drama vs quiet end

Socialites Ivan Ssemwanga and Zari Hussein during their traditional marriage. The two separated a few years ago. File photo

What you need to know:

Tough choices. Except for a few lucky ones, there comes a point in a relationship where you say, ‘I have had it, to hell with this’. Some choose to hurl insults at one another, beat the hell out of one another, throw the other’s belongings out of the house or quietly sign out. But with the increased use of social media and exposure to Hollywood, the drama of breaking up seems far from over.

Most people are familiar with Tiger Woods, yes, the golf star for many years. But that is not all he is famous for. His love life too, has many times made headlines.
In 2009, for instance, Elin Nordegren, his wife then, chased the star with a golf club around their home in Florida. The incident happened after media had unearthed Woods and revealed he had been cheating on his wife.
The two were later to divorce.

Nordegren’s behaviour in the face of betrayal by a partner is not farfetched. Matter of fact, many couples have done outrageous things to breakup with a partner at the point in their relationship where they feel enough is enough.
And now with social media, other couples wash off the hurt in the faces of their followers, sometimes claiming their partner wasn’t ‘my type’.

Famed by the movies Pirates of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp is now in the news for the wrong reasons. The Hollywood star is said to have battered his wife Amber Heard who has now filed for divorce. This is just after 15 months of marriage.
But sometimes it’s not all drama, some couples choose to end quietly without being confrontational in the least.

Caught at it
David 26, had been having challenges with his girlfriend for some time, but was holding onto the hope that they could make the relationship work after all. He had heard rumours that his girlfriend had started seeing a comedian behind his back. “One night I called her, and she told me she was with friends at Centenary Park attending a comedy show. My instincts told me she must be with the ‘comedian’ so I went there, and found her, just as I had predicted. I kept my distance though,” he says.
But David did not want to end it without showing this girl that he knew about her sneaking around. So he trailed her home that night after she left with the comedian.

“I really wanted to give her the surprise of her life. I waited for about 10 minutes before knocking on the door. When the comedian opened, I was torn between tearing his face and letting him go. I chose the latter and instead asked him to call my girlfriend.”
“She seemed to have seen a ghost when she saw me at the door. Surprised, confused, overwhelmed with shock, embarrassment, shame, and fear! We were locked in a world of wordlessness, for some minutes until I walked away, with my mind made up that this was the end,” David says.

Expert take
Renown US relationships counsellor Timothy Walsh notes that most dramatic breakup moments happen when one partner catches, or suspects their partners of cheating.
“…The ever building consternation and desire for revenge is at times so overwhelming that some people actually lose their heads, and are willing to go all lengths, just so to make their point,” he says. Most of these actions are usually irrational and impulsive, though their executors deem them deserving to the culprits to whom they are targetted.

When asked about why different people react differently in the event of a break up, Walsh says: “One’s personality combined with the conditions leading to the break up largely contribute to the different ways that different people react to breakups. However, one cannot bet on this since behaviour tends to be unpredictable and dynamic form time to time.”
“Though some couples perfectly get over the breakup, others cross the line to extremities such as suicidal tendencies, or stalking whereas some remain locked in a world of misery, self-pity and in denial.
What matters at the end of the day after a breakup, is the ability for both parties to pick up the pieces and continue their lives healthily and normally,” Walsh says.