Do not marry someone you cannot respect

Respect is a fundamental chain that binds the couple. Once it is lost, the marriage is bound to collapse into pieces of adultery, violence, and at worst divorce. “Respect is earned” you will say. But what if along the way you lose the respect you had for your spouse? Should you just slap him in the face and file for divorce? I do not think so.

Being married does not mean that you will always agree but in cases when you do not; you have to sit at the table and find compromise. Being mindful that we come from different backgrounds.

Stella for example is a broadly exposed woman. She went to international schools and comes from a highly connected family. At the beginning of the year, Stella and her husband had to find a suitable school for their three-year-old daughter.
Bosco, Stella’s husband wanted their daughter to go to the kindergarten close to their home but when Stella visited the school, she did not like it. Stella wanted her daughter to have access to ballet and piano classes, which this school did not offer. What had started as a simple discussion ended up in a serious fight. Bosco who earns more money than Stella insisted that as long as he pays the school fees, their daughter will attend the school of his choice.

This triggered Stella’s anger. “If school fees is your problem, I will find money to take my daughter to an International school,” she said. And how will you raise such a big sum of money, your salary cannot even cover our monthly bills?” Bosco arrogantly asked. Stella picked up her phone and called her sister who lives in the US. Stella’s sister being the Goddaughter to their child offered to remit money for her school fees every term.

This left Bosco’s ego wounded. Silence hit the house for over two weeks. Bosco claimed that Stella had despised him before her family and Stella said she was not going to sit down and watch her husband belittle her. If you were a member of the jury, who would you blame?

Earning more money than your wife should not be a reason to disrespect her and being more educated should not be the reason you dismiss your husband’s suggestions and call him ignorant.
And if you believe that it will be hard for you to respect someone who does not belong to your social, economic or academic class, do not take that trip to the aisle because marriage is all about respect.