Does it matter if she DOESN’T know how to cook?

Stella says

In this day and age, must a woman know how to cook?
It should not be a deal breaker. If you love someone, you should be able to look beyond that. Life is not that serious. A man should not be like, “she cannot even cook, so I will return her to her mother,” but what if I also said that you cannot wash and I return you to your father. I agree to the notion that a woman should know her way around the kitchen but so should the guy.

What if he is the traditional kind of guy? I mean the type that expects a woman not only to cook but serve him meals as well?
I am traditional and cultured but in terms of relationships, I cannot get along with a man like that, especially if he is the type that is always saying that I need to cook and wash for him. Relationships nowadays are becoming more of partnerships.

Let’s imagine a scenario where you have cooked for a guy. What is the least thing you would expect him to do after eating?
Be thankful to the one who has prepared it and may be clear up the table. He does not have to wash the dishes though.

And what if a man has his meals outside home?
That would be insulting. He needs to come home and we order in. Rules apply. If he does not want to eat my food, then, that says something about him, especially if he is not honest about it. Of course, I understand how difficult it is to tell a woman that she cannot cook. Some obviously will get offended by the remarks but if a man told me that, I would recommend getting a chef to either cook or teach me.

Can Stella cook?
Yes, I can cook although I prefer not to. I can prepare rice, pasta, matooke. The food that still gives me hard time to prepare though is posho since the preparation involves one putting in all their energy. Also, cutting the chicken is a little bit technical for me.

What’s the worst remark someone has ever told you about your cooking?
The person did not really comment about my cooking but rather, it was the way I was cutting the tomatoes. Someone’s mother mentioned something along the lines that, “Didn’t anybody teach you how to cut tomatoes?” She wanted them thinner and mine were chunky. Although I found it rude and awkward, I let it slide.

What are those basic meals that you would expect a man to fix?
Mingling posho since it was something I noticed the boys in Big Brother Africa Season Nine (where she was also a contestant) do. At least he should know how to make eggs or any other thing that does not involve too many ingredients. I would not really mind a man who is too involved in the kitchen.

Daniel says

Is it important for women to know how to cook?
Yes, it is important because I want to eat what my woman has cooked. But also, there are exceptions like if she has a very tight schedule during the weekdays. I would expect such a woman at least to cook for me during the weekends.

Why should I eat the maid’s food when you are in the house?
It does not make sense. Why are you with me then? I cannot be with someone who cannot cook. I mean someone who cannot even fry an egg or even boil drinking water. No man has time to train a woman how to cook. Clearly, it comes down to her upbringing right from the kind of parents she had, where they did not really pay so much attention to such details. Despite the fact that a chain of restaurants are coming up, we should not take away our values. An African woman should cook.

Ever encountered a woman in that calibre? I mean one who cannot prepare a meal?
I was once in a relationship where the woman would often ask me to order food from restaurants. I kept wondering why. It was until one day I bought raw food from the market and told her that she was going to prepare it. Well, she thought I was playing around. It was until I gave her two options to either cook or walk out of my house.

And what choice did she make?
She left and that is how things ended.

That aside, what if a woman can cook but is only bad at doing it?
I am a very open-minded person and I do not usually mince words. There are things that are inexcusable. How do you be a woman in Africa, groomed here for the last 25 years and you cannot just cook?

But then there are those who will tell you that times have changed
Well, I want to also tell such women that it is not just about their bodies, how they talk or make love, at times it is just about how they cook. One way through a man’s heart is his stomach. There are times I will ,for instance, want to bring my friends over and will want them to enjoy my partner’s food. Do you know how embarrassing it will be when they learn that she cannot cook or has probably made orders from one of the restaurants? I will look silly.

Can Daniel cook?
Yes, I can cook.

Just that! At least tell us what kind of food you can prepare
I can prepare steamed matooke in banana leaves, rice, and not forgetting pork pilao which happens to be one of the best dishes that I can make. The food that I may find challenging to prepare fish and anything that has to do with tubers such as cassava.

How did you learn?
I lived with my uncle and aunt who I credit for teaching me to know my way around the kitchen. My cousins and I had a tendency of dodging housework during the holidays. It was when they decided to pin up a duty rota where we were assigned different responsibilities. That was how I managed to learn how to cook. The first meal I remember preparing was matooke and groundnut sauce (paste).

It was the worst of its kind as the matooke turned out black in colour and was asked to cook again. I began to improve over time. So, with that sort of background, it would be very silly if a woman told me she cannot cook. I would not mind even if we did it together. All I want to see you do at least is cooking something. I cannot entertain that nonsense that you are too busy. There are women I know working eight hours a day but still have time to drop and pick up kids from school and can still afford to be home in time to prepare a meal for their husbands. And there you are complaining. What are you doing except “Whatsapping” your friends or having a girl’s night out?

By the way, can you slaughter a hen or cock?
(Laughs) I cannot do it. It is like taking life out of something. I find that insane. I would rather buy an already cut one from a supermarket.

What others say: Is cooking a necessity for a woman

“Yes, because it is one of the factors that I consider most if I am to be with a woman. Parents should train their daughters in that field so as to prevent their men from cheating or running to restaurants for food.”

Timothy Ssegirinya, casual worker

“She should know how to cook because being a man, I can’t be in the kitchen yet I have to go to work. However, I can offer to cook when she is away but not on a daily basis since children need to eat and at the same time learn from their mother.”

Jasper Okello, Asikari

“What makes a woman is her ability to cook and take care of her husband and the family. So, in most cases women who can’t do that end up losing it all because their men end up with house maids or getting other women as mistresses.”

Hadijah Nakazzi, Matron

“It’s abig issue because the more tasty a woman’s food is, the more love she earns from her man. There is also respect earned as a woman from the family including from her own children. Such a woman acts as an example in the community.”

Prosy Kyabe, Business woman

“A woman should know how to cook and tasty food for that matter because I would also want to taste her food as my wife. However, I can offer to teach her if she doesn’t know how to do it.”

Samuel Olinga, Teacher

“It is an issue; do you think a man can waste his time with a woman who can’t bring a good meal to his table? Apart from love, all men yearn for are women who can cater for them.”

Winnie Nalule, secretary

Interview by Christine Katende