Does the level of education matter?

Mark is 29, six years his girlfriend’s senior. They both completed A’Level and didn’t go any further. He works for a travel company, she is unemployed, “and we live together part-time,” (whatever he meant by that). Recently, her parents suggested, or rather demanded that he takes their daughter back to school (seems he was the reason for her dropping-out in the first place), and though she didn’t seem thrilled at first, she has now picked interest and wants the same thing.

This is an idea Mark had vowed to support because, as he intimates, he loves this girl. “I thought it would be expensive, but since I don’t have a lot of expenses, I agreed to pay for her.” However, he has started second-guessing his initial commitment to the idea.

This came after consulting with some of his closest boys. “They keep laughing and saying I would be damned if I let my girl get a higher qualification that I don’t even possess myself. She will get the degree and then start looking down on me, or worse, go in for other men that are more educated. Thinking about it, I’m starting to feel my friends have a point. So I don’t know what to do at the moment.”

Is difference in education level an issue?
Well, what Mark’s friends have made him believe is that his girlfriend attaining an education rank higher than his will drive a wedge between them; therefore it is a bad idea for this relationship. So one wonders, does the level of education matter in a relationship?
That is a question that 25-year-old Stella Nakuya does not have to think a lot about for her to answer.

“Honestly I do not think the level of education has anything to do with marriage or relationships for that matter. This is love we are talking about!” Nakuya sniffs, going ahead to question, “Since when did the level of education start determining the people we love?”
But perhaps Nakuya needs to first hold back with words because, as Eunice Mutoni says, you can never really understand the tension and insecurity that widely varying education levels bring to a relationship unless you have been in a relationship marred by the same issue yourself.

Mutoni, an accountant, holds a Master’s degree in Finance and Accounting on top of her soon-to-be-completed ACCA professional qualification. “My baby daddy on the other hand,” as she calls her boyfriend of seven years and now her ex, “only has a computer programming diploma.”
“He chose to go into trading after school and was actually doing fine. We were good I think, but somehow he became rude and started linking all our arguments to the pride he said was coming with my education. His insecurity was getting the better of him.” She explains.

Beyond his insecurities, Mutoni admits that she was also a bit embarrassed about her boyfriend’s education level, especially around her friends. Most of her friends being lawyers and engineers, she always felt her boyfriend had trouble blending into their conversation.

“Neither was I interested in the things his friends preferred to discuss. It was all complicated. I can’t say it was the reason we broke up but maybe it was a part.”

Working around it
Much as varying education levels can be a problem in a relationship, working around the issue is not an impossible fit. Mugoya advises that normally the best thing to do is to show your partner that you respect and appreciate them regardless of their level of education.

“Most of the tension around the issue starts with the diminishing esteem from the less educated partner. So it is important to desist from pointing at your elevated education status as a debating tool when perhaps trying to make joint decisions.” He says.

The next step is always to help your partner attain their desired education level if that is a dream they have and circumstances permit. But where going back to school is no longer an option, you could help them a little bit. It does no harm explaining to your partner what the so called “Brexit” everyone is talking about actually means, “because at the end of the day it all comes down to patience, understanding and support.”

counsellor’s take
There is no denying that education level is an issue that has caused tension in relationships and sometimes led to break-ups, which is why Nicholas Mugoya, a counselor with We Care International in Namasuba believes there is no point in pretending that education levels do not matter in relationships.

“Of course it matters. It can easily become a problem, depending on the circumstances and the way the two people involved perceive the issue.” Mugoya says.

As he explains, the circumstances that determine how much this difference affects the relationship rotate around who is more educated in the first place. “Usually relationships do not suffer if it is the man that is more educated. If it’s the woman however, tension rises because men are egoistic. He tends to think a more educated woman despises him even when that is not the case.”

The other question Mugoya believes comes into play is how far apart your education levels actually are, sighting that the friction may be less where one holds a bachelors and the other an MBA, than when someone with an MBA is dealing with an O’level holder.

“Of course in that case it gets to affect your interactions. A man that holds a Master’s degree might find less to talk about with his wife that only completed O’level. He may prefer deeper interactions with friends at work about global trends, not stories about the kids’ lunch, the mother-in-law and neighborhood tales all the time.” He explains, adding that the much more educated partner will start feeling their spouse does not think at the same level as them and this will become an issue, especially where the other partner too feels minimised.