Thursday February 20 2014

Eight facts nobody ever tells you about marriage


By Mike Ssegawa

Some women are lucky to have sengas to prepare them for marriage, and today, stag and hen parties are opportunities to share tips on what happens in other people’s marriages. If you happen to find yourself in a similar situation, as it is most likely going to happen, then you may know how to deal with it. However, here are some things your friends may never tell you.

1. Sex is boring.
You saved yourself until your wedding night. You have been told that sex is the best thing in the world, it runs the world and that the moment sex gets bad, your marriage is near over. I don’t agree. But the fact is, you will always find sex in your marriage boring. Even when you change rooms, beds, positions, and other things, it will end up the same. It is then that you will realise that it is surely different from what you have read about in adult magazines or watched on TV.
You may ask yourself: Where do people get the things they talk about sex? But the thing is, everyone experiences the same boring sex like you. Why? Because sex is just sex. There’s nothing glorious about it.

2. There is no ‘happily thereafter’.
So the pastor or priest told you that you are now married and are going to live happily thereafter. I believe them. But the truth is, if your happiness means no quarrels, silent treatment, financial difficulties, lack of interest in sex, comparing friends and neighbours, among other challenges, you are mistaken. There are fights in marriage and when they start is when the light hearted may throw in the towel thinking their marriage is the only one on the rocks. You are wrong. The difference between you and the person you are pouring out your heart to is, they know how to manage their marital challenges.

3. The fight over money is healthy.
Money is a difficult thing in marriage. Sayings like: “does money grow on trees?” or like comedian Anne Kansiime says: “Is it me who sacked you from your job?” are common. But when you win the money fight, you’ve made a significant step in your marriage. If you fail to strike a compromise, don’t worry when you start losing weight.

4. Your friends are your worst enemy.
Those fellows who surround you on bridal showers or bachelors’ party, are your worst enemies. They will give you wrong advice, pretend to be living better than you and keep you away from your spouse. When you have challenges, you run to them as if they are messiahs. They don’t tell you what is wrong with you, instead, they want to tell you it is your partner who is badly brought up. Beware.

5. You may regret why you married that person.
He doesn’t make enough money like your ex or she has gained more weight. She is no longer that runway model you met at Oasis Mall. He drinks more than you thought, he snores, or she sleep-walks. Oh, no! You didn’t know so many things. But, even the other fellow is like this one too. So, fight together to overcome those challenges or accept who you are and who you are with.

6. Your in-laws are your best allies.
You are the bad person. But believe me, you learn so much about your partner from your in-laws. They have lived with him or her longer and know how to manage him or her. They may criticise you, and may sound unfair to you, but don’t run to your mother or friends, they know nothing. Listen to your in-laws with the mindset of a learner mastering pure math.
7. Your partner is daft.

Most times when people are dating, they rarely recognise that their partner is intellectually inferior. But then you realise, he or she doesn’t do this and that. Don’t shout or call them names. Do you know everything yourself? No! You don’t even know the staple food of Eskimos. So, be ready to teach or learn.
8. You are a big fool. I mean it.

You were fooled that you were marrying the perfect partner. And because you are a fool, you bought into the lie. So, live with it. If you pretend you are wiser, you will fall into hotter fire. One thing I know, the moment one realises they are foolish and start learning again, life becomes easier and more fun. So, don’t have those airs of bigger fools – calm down – accept what went wrong and forge a way forward. Good luck!