Gambling is ruining my relationship

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart,
In 2013, I decided to move in with my girl friend and we now have children. Life was good until I started gambling. Sometimes she goes and the children go without food but the reason is I gamble the money is to make more. Her patience has run out and she is threatening to quit our relationship yet I love her so much. The problem is that I am addicted to these machines and find myself going back. How do I get over this addiction? Please help me

-JM

Your solutions

Jimmy Wester Mara: To stop an addiction, you first of all have to stay away from those who do it. Find friends who will impact on you positively. You want to be a responsible father I believe. A good father is his children’s role model. You do not want to see their lives get spoilt when you are still alive and able to make it better. Or do you? I agree that gambling just like any other addictions is hard to stop but come on, you can! Schedule your day in a way that it will not give you even a single minute to think about it. There are many great things that need more of your attention than mere gambling. Focus on those and see yourself transform. Believe in yourself and see yourself scale the mountain with ease.

Ben Kyazanga : I will not judge you now that you acknowledge you are addicted and need help on how to beat the addiction. It is not easy to beat an addiction be it to alcohol, tobacco, porn and masturbation. Like with most addictions, the one addicted has to take a stand and pledge to stop. Start by setting small goals such as going without gambling for a day, two days, and a week and so on. Of course, there are recurrences but keep trying. Also, keep busy, every time you feel like gambling, tell yourself that you will not win more but instead lose that money. Good luck.

Phoebe Turigye: JM, it is good you acknowledge that you are addicted to gambling. That is the beginning of your healing. Gambling has no future, Start by staying away from any of your gambling friends. Secondly, spend more time with your family. Finally, seek prayer and counseling from a good church where you will be introduced to Jesus who is able to break every addictive bondage over your life. Only a change of heart can help you overcome such a trait.

Rebecca Ajoot: I encourage her to leave before you gamble her away. Get something positive to keep you busy.

Hassan Lubandi: You cannot love two things at the same time. You either love your family or the machines.

Pheobe Joanitor Zawedde: The first most important thing is that you look for people who have beaten addictions and minimise the times you relate with those you share the habit with. There is a reason why hard work pays. Stop being lazy, wake up and start using your muscle and brain to do something constructive. Gambling establishments are not set up so you can have easy “wins.” Seek more help on how to make from your relationship with your wife strong. Seek professional counseling with your wife.

Lawrence Kyagera: Find a way to instead be addicted to your wife and family. Love them with all your heart and try and forgot the machine slowly. Please, be a man who makes personal decisions.

Bonnie Ogwang: Wake up boy, don’t you see that you have a family to take care of? Sit back and ask yourself if gambling is what you want. Is it more important than your family who are going without a meal at home or else sooner or later your woman will leave you and you start regretting?

Keyt Bee: Deal with your mind and stop being idle. At least make yourself busy in case the temptation comes.

Moses Saggin: Commit a capital offence; they take you to Luzira prison. Trust me you will come back a changed man.

James Malinga: An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Please get what to do other than gambling, you will have peace in your family.

Jeninah Turyamuhweza: Do you think those machines will take you anywher e? Be a man and play your part as a family head.

Jide Adekahunsi: Be accountable, making your wife your treasurer. This way you kill two birds with one stone. Change all your friends and tell the new friend your bad habit and the need to break away from it.

Morin Iko: Overcoming an addiction is not for the faint-hearted. First of all, it is a do or die situation. So you have to choose your priorities. Then, take time to find a reason or cause to fuel your fight. It can be anything or in this case saving your family. Write it down, memorise it and do whatever you can to make sure it is always the first thing on your mind whenever you wake up. This will help get rid of unwanted thoughts which in this case are gambling. Find friends who bring out the best in you however tough it might be on you or even if it means to stand alone do it. Lastly train your will power to resist what you don’t. Remember to keep yourself occupied with something productive and if possible stay away from all areas where gambling is carried out. You can do this because whatever you have the power to create, you also have the power to destroy. Otherwise best of luck.

Shiv Kun: Get things to keep you busy for example work, playing with children, being with constructive friends, giving time your wife, or watching a movie.

Counsellor says: Sir. Prossy Nantongo Good Samaritan Sisters

Dear JM, the challenge you are experiencing is understandable and many youth of your age are undergoing the same.
I, however, do not know whether you have a side job that brings in money apart from gambling because that alone does not offer one security.
Your wife is scared of losing everything in future that is why she wants to leave. Love without work does not last.
I think your wife has been patient and her patience was to allow you change for the better because she too loves you but you do not seem to be quitting.
I believe you can change the abdication by engaging in more productive work such as farming or take up a simple and short course from which you can be enriched with knowledge to do more useful things than visiting the machines.
If you get activities to keep you busy throughout, I am sure you will change. Try and change as this will restore security and love in your relationship.

Compiled by Christine Katende

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I have given my lover all that a man can ably give to a woman but she doesn’t care for me at all. She keeps on annoying me but when I get pissed, she instead plays the victim and I end up apologising instead. I love her very much. I however do not want to be a slave in this relationship. Please advise me, should I quit the relationship or hang in and wait for things to change?
-Muzo