Has this girl friend-zoned me?

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I met a girl two years ago who needed some help. I helped her and eventually we became good friends. We started going out, began to go for dinners and outings.She flirted and played around physically so one day, I expressed my love to her. She declined and told me that she was only a close friend. I was very sad, I tried many times to convince her but in vain. However, she did not stop accepting gifts from me. She took a lot of things from me including money. She kissed me once but regretted later saying it was a mistake. Another time, she allowed me to do a bit of kissing, but warned me that there should not be any physical contact between us. I have lost potential girlfriends because they all consider her a threat. When I told her so, she said that was not her problem. How do I handle her? Please help.
-Robert
Your solutions

You are doing exactly what she wants. She wants you longing for her, wanting her helplessly, that is why she does not care about how you feel. You made a mistake of confessing after a tease, she thinks your feelings are not deep.
She is playing with you because she thinks you are always there for her and cannot let her alone. She thinks she has you totally devoted to her which I think you have done. She cares less about your need for a defined and sure relationship. She is comfortable because the feeling of being longed for is sweet and she is enjoying it.
Just stop caring about her, stop giving her anything, I mean, get her out of your life. It may be ruthless but its for a greater good, she may even come crying.
I know you may think you cannot survive on your own but trust me you can.
Whatever feelings you have for her is generated from within you. It is part of you, so you can manage to contain it to get your individuality back. Be strong and just get her out of your life. The rewards, thereafter, will overwhelm you.
It will hurt for a while but you will be okay. Be motivated by the fact that you do not want to ever feel the hurt and denial you have felt while she was in your life.
Some people can be ruthless. I wish I could deal with her on your behalf. James Atite Ojujanya

Try to get another female close friend, she will feel jealous and will definately become lonely. Your phone will be full of missed calls. Bob John
Ismail Gustavo Sampuli: Go ahead it’s only that you are shy. Methinks she accepted long time ago.

Nabukeera Claire: All you need to do is give each other space. She “friend-zoned” you so try dating someone else and limit your communication with her.

Brenda Edomasia: It’s simple, she is not interested in you. She is not serious. My advice is that you should look for a more serious girl.

Namwanje Ritah: My brother don’t hold onto someone who doesn’t want to hold on to you. Don’t give your love to a person who gives you nothing. Stop trying to put a coma to something that needs a full stop. Please, stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t value it. Please leave and go.

Ajio Isaac: You are wasting valuable time with a wrong person. I think your friendship is based on giving her help. Try and stop doing so and you will see how she will treat you.

Winnie Apio: Keep on trying she is about to accept.

Daniel Auk: My friend you have to respect her motions. Give her a grace period, don’t be selfish. Truthfully, no amount of money or gifts can ever win love. Listen to your heart. Above all, ask God for wisdom.

Abdul Mayanja: She is just toying with you. Show her that you can live without her.

Palakak Bonny Palex: First, you turned her into a parasite and now you want to withdraw your support. Talk to her and tell her how you feel about your future together. If she is serious, she will tell you her outright decision.

Auma Mercy Ymca: Just drop the friendshp and cut off communication wth her.

Julio Lwanga: My dear, you just need to be assertive. She already accepted but you are being too soft for a guy. African women don’t want that. Style up.

Counsellor says > Susan Nambo, Full Gospel Church

Dear Robert, her trust and openness towards you could be because she considers you to be a good friend. I suggest you open up, first to yourself, then to her about your feelings. Ask yourself whether your feelings are in reaction to her fragile state of mind. Would you feel the same way towards her had she not been vulnerable?
It is possible that given her relationship history, she is confused too. Both of you need to figure out how you want to take things forward - whether as friends or romantic partners. In either case, it is best if you openly discuss and set boundaries for the relationship. If she is not sure about being in a relationship with you, or feels that you have misconstrued her intent, do not be disheartened. Discuss with her why you felt that she would reciprocate (getting annoyed when you talk about other girls or comparing you with her boyfriend).
Keep in mind that very soon you will be moving to a different country, and will have to manage change at many different levels in your life. In the face of these changes, if you still feel the same way about her, tell her how you feel. If you still feel confused, discuss your concerns with a counsellor. This will help you to gain clarity of thought.
Interviewed by Eseri Watsemwa

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I recently started dating a man. I met him through Facebook. We took our friendship to the next level because he said he was in love with me. Although my feelings weren’t as strong as his but I gave it a try. My only problem is that all he wants to talk about is sex and always insists on ‘sexting’. His conversations start with, ‘I want to be with you’ all the time and it is irritating. I don’t think its normal. Please help me.
-TT

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