He doesn’t care for my sexual needs

Dear Heart To Heart, my husband only cares for his sexual needs and for 10 years now, he has never gone an extra mile to see that I also get the satisfaction I desire. I have been open to him and told him how he is self-centred to no avail. So I resorted to masturbating in order to satisfy myself and not commit adultery. My worry is, won’t this spoil my relationship with God? What should I do?

YOUR FEEDBACK

Fredrick Egulau
Masturbation is a strong spiritual bondage that can be handled through fasting (Matthew 17:21). Don’t fight a spiritual battle in a physical position. Don’t even blame your husband. Just fast a couple of days as the Spirit leads and refer to Matthew 15:13, Psalms 125: 1-3 as your prayer points.

Derrick Muganza.
Masturbation is addictive even more than narcotics. Try to keep away from all sexual enhancing material you use. Porn clips in your phone or laptop and vibrators if you have. If you still do it based on photographic memory, try to get on a routine programme such as exercising at the gym, aerobics or subscribe to a chess club, anything that will occupy your mind. If you still don’t get over it, see a counsellor otherwise you don’t want fall prey to the adverse effects of that vice!

Enapu Tonny
You are courting trouble by masturbating. When you get addicted, you will find it more satisfying and easy to go for even in the presence of your husband. Pray to God about your husband’s situation and ask that he resumes his duties as a man.

David Adebayo Michael
Ask God for help. There is so much power on your knees through prayers but stop masturbating.

Alioni Enock
Stop masturbating and talk to your husband and if possible convince him to see a counselor. The more you talk to him he will pay attention. Be humble to him and don’t make him feel that you are exposing his weakness openly. Everything will be fine.

Violet Lumu
Encourage your husband to visit a doctor. may be he has a health issue which needs to be treated but masturbation isn’t good.

Natukunda Immy
You need to guide your husband and show him your points of pleasure so that it’s easy for him to drive you to full satisfaction. Feel free and open up further if it means erotic touches, deep kissing or oral sex but try to show him what works for you.

COUNSELOR says: Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Ssuubi Medical Centre
Talk to a sex therapist

Dear Aliya, sharing your problem is commendable because it is the first way of dealing with it. It is good for you to deal with the cause of the problem in order to find a solution. Understand your partner and speak openly about your sexual life. However, do not blame him as this makes the situation worse. For men this can bring down their ego if not well handled. Use ‘I’ statements than ‘you’ to be able to communicate amicably about your intimate life.
Masturbation can become addictive if not dealt with early and this can have an impact on the marriage too. One can also lose interest in sexual intimacy with the partner with time and also cause a lot of psychological guilt.
Engage in a healthy communication about what feels good and what feels disappointing with your partner and also take responsibility for your part in your intimate life. I advise you to seek sex therapy as talking together to a counsellor will enlighten the problem. This will involve exploring family myths and cultural taboos that could have been impacted on the way one associates with sex and sexual intimacy.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka

Steven Ibula Babone
Your husband cannot read your mind, act. Show him that you are never satisfied and go an extra mile to spice up your sex life with him. Maybe one of you is the problem. Check yourself too, in terms of romance and eroticism. If he cannot do it for you, assist him to do it and never wait for him to think for you.

Next week’s issue
I’ve been in a relationship for three years. But my boyfriend is so quarrelsome and gets angry over small issues very easily. But when he hurts me, he tells me that a man is always right and doesn’t even apologise. In addition he tells me to look for someone who will never hurt me. I feel unwanted and unappreciated. My love for him has decreased. Is it time to move on or should I believe he will change.
N. M.

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