Friday January 19 2018

He has refused to take an HIV test


Dear Heart to Heart, My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. In the first two years of our relationship, we used to have protected sex but then he started complaining that he is tired of the condoms. We have never taken an HIV test and the few times I have told him he has declined the idea. I have insisted that we cannot have unprotected sex unless we know our HIV statuses. He has now started threatening me with leaving because he claims he is sexually starved. Am I being childish like he says? Should I quit?
Mary Ann


Joshua Omara. Fear his threats at the expense of your life, but insist on your demands, if he leaves then let it be.

Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. Take my words. If it is not on, it is not safe and so the game should be off. Do not allow the happiness of just one hour ruin your life and happiness forever. Do not trust anyone with your life. That man may be infected if he does not want to test for HIV.

Nampa Patience Natie. Consider your own health first and go in for a test. Once you are negative then insist on having protected sex as your boyfriend is not willing to take a test. If he does not allow protection then it is better you leave him than risking your dear life.

Lee Joe Atwooki. Mary Ann stand by your word. if he does not accept a test know he is careless and such a person cannot be trusted. Let no one intimidate you.

Josephcollins Muwawu. Do not fear losing that boyfriend, if he insists on not taking the test. Good men are still searching are still available. If he insists on not taking one, step aside because there may be a reason he does not want his blood examined.

Freddie Rukundo. Run, if he is interested in you let him do it. The moment you give in you will be like him and live in self-denial like him. Run before it is too late. What if he rapes you?

Jesse Bryt. Quit the relationship please. Do not risk your life. Think of life where you have to be on medication for the rest of your life. Do not give in. If he leaves, let him go. There are many fish in the sea to catch when you are healthy. It is always life first do not accept to be intimidated in the name of love.

Nyero Charles. Ann, life has no spare parts. Ask your boyfriend again to go for the test, when he refuses, just quit the relationship. You still have more chances of getting a good man. Consider even Hepatitis B.

Karen Christine Inyakuwa. Strongly insist on the HIV test. Do not let your guard down. Quit if he refuses to take the test. Your life is more important.

Johns Moses. Each one of us has only one life to live. You are not being childish when you insist on having the test. He is the one being immature by declining. Three years without the test is indeed long, but in everything, there is always a first time. Be brave enough and take the test on your own and whatever the results, choose to live your life.

Nankya Betty. This is your life which you should value. If he does not want to go for an HIV test, then let him go. But if he really loves you he will accept to go for a test.

Obed Nasasira. Take off! You should even start avoiding him in closed places because he is likely to rape you and get you infected. Maybe he does not want to die alone!
Mwaka Samuel. My dear quit. Are you waiting for bells and in any case what guarantee is in place that he will be there for you should you get the virus?

Kadeya Peter. You need to involve a counsellor to talk to both of you such that your boyfriend will know the merits and demerits of staying together when you both know your status.

Moses Opolot. Be principled. You live only once and when you lose your life you will not get it back. You are not the only woman in Uganda, do not allow him to take advantage of you.

Wilber Ssegayi. Never trust such a person, walk away please. A safe person will allow to test from the word go. Since he has refused that is an eye opener. Go and test alone and if you are safe, please think twice.

Lhusenge Wisely. My dear Ann, that man does not value your life. He is just there to use and spoil you. I think he is not sure of his status and that is why he insists on not testing. You still have time to make up your mind for a better tomorrow.

Phoebe Miriam. Dear Ann, I believe life is more precious! You must guard it well! Let that man go. Do not joke with your life. Find a man who is responsible and wants to settle down.

counsellor’s say
Ali Male, counselling psychologist at YWCA
Ask a third party to talk to him

Dear Ann, it is clear you are anxious, worried and confused about a situation testing your life skills. When something like this happens it is a sign that there is need to deal with an issue more wisely.
It is important that you insist on having an HIV test done because it is very healthy for you. However, do not accompany it with conditions and interest. When he refuses to test, there are a lot of questions that begin to pop up.

It maybe that he is struggling with personal fears and you may need to help him. He may be anxious or have a guilty conscience haunting him or he fears your reaction towards the process of testing.
You may need to stick to your priorities otherwise many forces in life are after pulling us behind thus manipulating us to compromise our principles. Things to do with life and health are not negotiable it could be a test to your past ways of having sex before marriage and he is still maintaining it.

If he is a nice man, you may just have to use a third party such as a therapist to engage him for a talk and have it sorted. Generally it is good to begin with the end in mind instead of having it in the middle as it compromises your ethics.
Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka