He impregnated another woman

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I am married with one child. I feel that my marriage is heading nowhere. I have known my husband for five years (courtship and marriage), but he has a four-year-old child. The child would not be a big issue, but the problem now is that he has another woman who is eight months pregnant and he does not want me to mention anything about it. He sleeps out whenever he feels like without communicating and when he comes back he wants me to act like nothing is wrong. He said when he is home he expects me to be happy. He does not listen to advice, be it from elders or friends. I practically do everything for him, and I have tried to bridge the gap in all ways but all in vain. He leaves home early and returns late, and now I found a pipe (mindi) in his car. I am just confused, it is eating me up and I do not know what to do.
-Confused

Your solutions

I think that man is taken up by witchcraft. You need to go slow on him and the fact that he is not respecting your marriage, he is already wasted; who knows may be those mistresses of his also do the “pipe smoking”. Thank God you only have one child with him and are legally married to him. You have seen the real him before having more children with him. You have sufficient grounds to petition for divorce before it gets far. There are many opportunities out there waiting for you. Staying with a cat that knows you as its master is better than staying with a man who does not understand you, develop you and respect you as a wife and mother of his son. Filter out and read between the lines otherwise he will bring you bastards to take care of.
Ash

Bambi dear, I feel your pain. Since your man does not listen to advice, move on if you are not wedded in church or mosque instead of waiting for STDs. Only one child cannot keep you in tears, you will find someone who will love, cherish and respect you, one who will accept you and your child.
Monica

Mrs Confused, I think it is better to concentrate on how to control your marriage rather than peeping into what your hubby is doing when he is out of home. That he made another woman pregnant? Haha, my sister, that is not a big deal and having a child is no longer a threat.
Rhobert

Sorry dear, but be patient as you pray. They will all go and you will win. Try learning how to solve problems rather than running away from them. Many are working hard to have your man, so please keep quiet and don’t go away it is your home. Silence is the best revenge, carry your cross and ignore him, he will come crying to you in the corner with his cross, calling for help and he will apologise.
Shamim

Men of today are always hunters, unfaithful and private developers. They are never satisfied with one woman. What to do, just accept the current situation the way it is and move on. Never wait for his apologies, he will apologise today and repeat it tomorrow.
Sarah

When my mum told me my dad’s story, I felt unwanted and I hated my dad, but later found out the man was under the influence of juju, but it was too late because he died when I was trying to bridge the gap. It was not easy, but I am thankful I grew up with a single mom because I could have died. Now sweetie, just ignore that man’s actions but pray hard. God will bring him back if he is meant for you. Just work for your child and believe me you wont be disappointed, just like my mom. Georgina

I grew up with a single mother and I am very proud of my mom who made a right decision. Let that man be and move on.
Helen

Just because you were brought up by single parents does not mean you advise someone to quit their marriage and move on. Wama fight for what is yours madam. I mean, the man is yours and please don’t back down, Confused.
Patrick

At this point you have tried your best, do not let it go just like that. If you still love him, give him time he will come back alone begging for forgiveness from you. Live your life with the little angel.
Ramsey

Men who respect and love their wives don’t impregnate other women. They just have sex with side dishes and come back home. That man doesn’t love you and is not your friend, so stop crying. Organise your life and move on. You never married your friend, you were simply blinded by the sweet nothings shared during your dating time. Break off the sexual web.
Mike

Ignore him as you pray hard. Always welcome him home, serve him food whenever you cook, don’t bother asking him where he is coming from and mind about your child and your life. Praying while fasting can help a lot. be a strong woman. I love you.
Viola

You are just his official wife but he is never going to respect you. He will sleep with any woman as long as chance presents itself. Go get tested for HIV and if you are negative, get out of his life if you want to stay negative. Find ways of staying negative, otherwise, you are putting your life in danger.
Romeo

Fight for your man.
Racheal

Marriage has ups and downs and unfaithfulness is one of the problems. Try to find out why your man goes out with a side dish to the point of impregnating her. Some times a nagging and quarrelsome wife forces a man to run into the arms of another woman, who can give him peace and love. If you are that kind of woman, stop it and focus on pleasing your man in all ways. Don’t take quarrels to the bedroom because that’s a place to reconcile the two of you.
Patricia

Play your role as a mother and wife. I know the more you keep quiet, then it will start eating him up too.
Muramira

Wama do not settle for less, you deserve better. So what if he is not the first one? Are you going to sit at home waiting for HIV because all men are the same? Since he has failed to listen to advice and he is even insisting on hurting you openly, leave him he is not worth your time. Unless he gets back to his senses, look after your child.
Prossy

Pack his bags and throw him out of the house, he doesn’t deserve you.
Anna

Sorry my dear, never expect anything good from this world. Give your life to Christ and he will deliver you from that pain.
Ivan

Counsellor’s take > David Kavuma, Psychologist at Mildmay Uganda

Dear Confused, it is unfortunate that your husband is unfaithful and I do not know why he carries the pipe in his car but your major worry should be why he is sleeping with other women. Try to examine your husband’s behaviour and see if you are not responsible in any way. Be objective and check if you are clean and make sure you have been fulfilling your obligations as a wife.
His actions may also depend on how you communicate to him. No one would be happy to know that their partner is cheating but he could be using this as a channel of vengeance for how you speak to him.
The fact that he does not communicate when he is going to sleep out shows that he knows what he is doing is not right but you need to work harder to find out why he cheats when he knows you are married.
Talk to someone close to him to investigate why he is treating you like this. However much you may have tried to bridge the gap, it also depends on when and how you approach him. It may be hard for you to solve this issue alone so involve a third person who has experience in marriage, whom he respects and will not take sides. For example, a counsellor or church leader.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I have been dating this man for a year now, but he has a problem with picking up his phone and he rarely gives me money. Before we fell in love, he never told me he had a wife and a child and he only disclosed this after we started dating. I visited his home and there was no sign that he was married. When we are together, he expresses his love in abundance, but the moment we part ways, he becomes the opposite. I have tried leaving him, but then he shows me that he still needs me. The problem is that I also love him so much. I have tried dating other men, but the feelings never come. Help!.
-Namu