He refuses to go for a fertility test

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I have been in a relationship for six years now without a child and now my partner is demanding for a child. I recently went to a gynaecologist and they run tests that found I was okay, but my husband has refused to get checked, claiming that he is fine and that he has made a girl pregnant before. He even showed me the child’s pictures and said he will be baptising her soon. What should I do?
-Janifer
Your solutions

Janifer, children are a gift from God, talk to your husband in a good way and make him understand that God is the one who gives children. However much he says he is fine, we never know something might have happened along the way before you two met. So you both need to seek counselling while you pray. I know one day God will hear you and give you a child, just pray, do not even think of leaving your marriage.
Bonnie

He could be the cause of your childless situation. How sure is he that the girl did not cheat on him? It is very likely that he is not able to give you children. Why else would he refuse to go for testing? I thought such issues are better handled when both parties go as a couple for checking.
Elizabeth

Woman, there is a possibility that he knows his medical condition and cannot disclose it. Men are like that; they are never wrong or problematic. Obviously if you checked and you are okay, then he is the troubled one. If you love him, sit down and sort this out. Better open up and seek medical or divine assistance. Thank You.
Kato

Florence Kabajwisa: Him refusing to go for a test is enough to tell you that there is something funny. Just listen to your heart and take a decision before it is too late because after that I am seeing him throwing you out of his home in the name of not having a child.

Sharifah Nabukenya: Eh! If your man cannot go for check up, then there is something he is hiding from you, so my dear you might never know God has better plans for you. Surprisingly, that man may be chasing you out of his life indirectly, but he fears to open up to you.

Maurice Atuhaire: A friend of mine had the same problem, blamed his wife for not bearing children, refused tests claiming he had produced somewhere, until his wife tried somewhere else and conceived. Be wise too
Tadeo Zac: Try checking your cervical canal, it might be blocked and you may need to get it cleaned. See a professional gynaecologist. The process may be a bit painful but you can handle that compared to the pain you are going through. Good luck sweety.

John Malaba: Your husband is the problem. Did he show you the child or did he just tell you about it? Maybe it does not exist.

Mosz Mwesigwa: That man fires blanks and he is living in denial. If you do not leave him, you will end up wasting your life. Give him a deadline to go and seek help, otherwise he will end up enslaving you. Most men naturally feel ashamed of being labelled non-performers and they will do anything in their power to transfer the blame on the woman, but if you give him a reality check he will go and seek help.

Tony Blessed Duke: The more you and him tune your minds on having a child, the more it will delay to happen. Relax your mind and turn to God or go to another gynaecologist. Inbox me on Facebook and I will give you the contact of a doctor who helped my friend conceive.

Judith Emmily Alupot: It is good to seek advice, but speak to your husband in a calm and loving way about both of you going for that test. Pray to God and fast about it. Life is interesting! While you are looking for a child, I am asking God to provide me with a life partner and we are all in the same queue.

Omaset Charles: Tell him to hold on, let him keep trying. It will happen one day when he least expects it. I was also once worried just like that.
Okello Richard: Your man could know something you do not. I suspect he has low sperm count. You need to visit a professional counsellor together.

Akello Emma: My dear, if he cannot take a health responsibility to have you both get a medical checkup as a couple, then rest your case, he is the problem. You may as well start thinking of quitting that relationship since he does not give you room to make it better.

Counsellor says > Stephen Langa, Family Life Network

Dear Janifer, children are not a guarantee in a marriage. They are a blessing from God and must be treated as such. When difficulties to conceive surface, it is recommended that both the husband and wife cooperate and seek medical assistance. Gone are the days when inability to conceive was blamed purely on the wife; medical science now indicates that a man could be the problem.
In this particular situation, you are dealing with two problems; your husband has brought new information that he made a girl pregnant and he is also blaming you for no child. This is unfortunate because the blame game will never solve anything.
The best way to handle this and any other problem is to focus on the problem and not the person. So, you both have to work together, irrespective of where the problem might actually be. With patience and sensitivity, a solution can be found. I know of couples who have got pregnant after 12 or even 20 years in marriage.
Yes, family and society have certain expectations on this, but this is where you as a couple need each other to withstand the pressure. There is a support group of childless couples which you could consider joining. Finally, if all fails, there is the option of adopting a child or children. But being unable to conceive should never end a marriage and is no excuse to go and get children out of wedlock.

Compiled by Lydia Ainomugisha

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart,I recently met a girl that I love so much. She comes from a wealthy family and does not need anything from me. She seems to love me too, but there are some aspects I feel that she falls short of and despite trying to explain to her, she does not want to comply. She has spent just one night at my house and comes by during the day. Before I met her though, there is a girl I used to hang with. She confessed to having feelings for me but respects the fact that I am in a relationship and wishes me happiness. She says being friends will help her get over me. My girl calls me five times a day, texts me and sends pictures of where she is. She, however, sometimes does things to hurt me and sometimes I feel she is taking us for granted. The other girl sticks out for me, she is the one I call when I am sad. How can I tell my girlfriend how I feel without her thinking I am after her money? I do not want to lose her.
-Bryan