Thursday June 19 2014

Help! The girls seem to elude me

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I don’t know what is wrong with my love life. Every time I get a girlfriend, she either cheats on me or does something that will force me to hate her. Recently, I have been trying to get back with my ex but things are not working out. I am not saying I am a perfect man but I can make a good boyfriend. I have been single enough. I need to be loved, what should I do. Please help.
- Daniel
your solutions

Daniel, there comes a time in our lives when we brand ourselves ‘failures’ in a certain area of life. Like in love or relationships, for example. My advice to you is do not despair, believe there is someone out there made suitably for you. Be patient, it will be of no good for you to rush into another ‘dead end’ relationship simply because you feel you need to be loved immediately. Pray to God about it also to make ways for you.

Dear Daniel, there is nothing wrong with you or your love life. It is only a perception in your head. The Bible says: “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). It has also been said, “Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves.” Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves. You need to work on some things if you need to see great changes in your love life;
1. Think and speak positively.
2. Try to work upon your character.
3. Avoid thinking about the past failures because they will cripple your future.
4. Do not praise yourself but let others see the good in you.
5. You do not need to control the other party in the relationship, but rather allow her to contribute/own the relationship as well.
6. Develop a sense of trust and endurance.
7. Why have you been in relationships with many women? Examine yourself because it seems you are not yet ready for marriage.
N. Ojambo

You need to have an inner talk within your mind and analyse what exactly goes wrong. You can also pray about it.

Daniel, the only advice I can give you is to do a self evaluation first then you can go ahead and discuss with your better half the issues that hurt you.

Man there are many girls in this country. Could it be that you have a strict selection criteria? Relax, you will get a girlfriend. If you badly need one, you can involve friends and relatives in the search.

It must be a psychological problem. Visit a psychologist.
If you go to bars, nightclubs or parties, hoping to hook a lady for a stable relationship, it is high time you re-think your strategy.

Nothing is wrong. Life is as simple or as hard as you make it. If someone cheated on you, move on! Nobody is indispensable.

First of all, before you go look for love, you must start by loving yourself. Look for someone who will complement you, someone you will share your love and happiness with. Remember you can’t give people what you don’t have.

All I can say, first love yourself and then you will get someone who will love you for who you are.

It seems you are so jumpy and have bad behaviour. Try to settle and revise your manners please.

Re-bounds aren’t cool. Can you give it sometime, get to know the girls before you get so involved.

Dan, probably you are a very needy man. You need to look critically at yourself. Applaud yourself for what passes and make peace with what doesn’t. Become your biggest fan, focus on the good things in your life, love yourself and encourage yourself every day. When you start to feel good enough, you will attract people who will stay because you will be in charge.

The wise say you can’t make some one love you, but rather be someone who can be loved.

Seek counselling services and also take time and check yourself. Also analyse the weird things you think the previous lovers had. It will help you find the best love.

Love yourself first and stop walking away from love. Hopping from one relationship to another ruins your heart from loving again.

Learn to take people as they are, understand they can never be like you or what you want them to be. Find something you like about that person and use it as a stepping stone to hold onto them.

The journey for transformation always starts with you. How do you observe life and relationships at large? How do you hold yourself accountable for every broken relationship? It all starts with you. Your perception about life and everything at large either gives you a positive effect or a negative one.


Next week’s problem
Dear Heart to Heart, there is a girl I am planning to date! Our fathers are friends and we attended the same primary school. However, what complicates the matter is that after we completed primary school in 2005, we never made contact again, until recently when I traced her on Facebook. I am 22 now and I think I am ready to start dating. I am currently pursuing my degree and she is almost finishing hers too. I don’t know whether she is seeing someone, but I believe we will make a good couple because apart from being from the same tribe and village, I am not a stranger to her. Can I go ahead to date her? Please advise me.