Heart to Heart

Hey ladies, I’m more than my manhood

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By Steven Bugingo Karanja

Posted  Thursday, December 19  2013 at  02:00

In Summary

Don’t you judge. One man is bitter! He does not understand why women think that all men are after what’s between their legs. Sometimes all a lad is looking for is an innocent relationship, no strings attached.


There is a song that has been stuck in my head for the past few days. My friends told me that kind of song is called an earworm because it keeps playing in your head.
My earworm, is I am not my hair by India Arie and the only words I find myself humming are that particular line. I figured that India is probably communicating to those judging her by one aspect of herself.

The extent to which a man’s appearance has been exalted over his personality is quite irritating. I find it rather ridiculous when a male holding a high-profile office appears in the news saying something important and the only comment from the audience would be: “Did you see what he was wearing?” “Who on earth does his suits?”

However, when a female appears in the same capacity, no matter what she is draped in, not a negative word will be uttered. Whether their dress is two sizes small and their shoes/bags have not been cleaned for the last one month, they will get away with it.

Fitting India’s earworm in my world, I am tired of being looked at, spoken to and treated as though I consist of one body part. I am not, and for emphasis’ sake, I am NOT what is between my legs!

I am tired of all the sex propositions veiled against me lately whenever I interact with a woman.
I do not understand why an old childhood village mate thinks that the reason I am excited about reconnecting with her on social media is because I want her to “warm my bed” - never mind that she is married with six children.

I don’t think I overreacted when I deleted the contacts of my ex-colleague, whose girlfriend is expecting their first child and all she wants to talk about is how she can “rock my world”. It is really annoying when all my old classmate wants to talk about are sexual fantasies she hopes I am having about her every time I say “hello”.

Call me a prude or conservative, but I have had enough. There is more to my masculinity than I am being credited for.
I am an intellectual - I can tell you a few things about different geographic locations in the world and about how biological processes that lead to emission of greenhouse gases from the soil occur.

There is the spiritual me that calls out to a higher being to intervene when a friend or family member is critically-ill, and from whom I seek guidance when tough decisions have to be made.

There is the artistic me that doodles during long and boring lectures, paints on the rare occasion, writes and dances.
There is the emotional me who cries during sad movies, laughs until my ribs hurt and coos over a cute baby.
There is the fighter in me who has stood up to life and has scars to prove it.

There is the leader, the father, the mentor, the friend, the teacher, the worker, the brother, the colleague, the playmate, the scholar, and so much more of me that no one wants to look at.

So, to the next woman I try to make friends with, I hope that you realise what a phenomenal and complete human being I am. I am not what is between my legs - there is so much more to me.

‘I always think that man likes me because that is the way men get your attention. They use being nice to their advantage and are usually nice when they do not know how to tell a girl they like her.’
Clare Nakangu, Student

‘By the time he does that, he wants to woo you so that by the time he tells you he loves you, you already have a high opinion of him. If he is nice to you and does not intend to ask you out, then why would he be doing those things for you?’
Jennifer Lunkuse, Designer

‘If he is often nice, then it goes beyond friendship. However, if it is once in a while, then it might just be friendship. There is no one who would do something with no hidden intentions.’
Beatrice Nakibuuka, student

‘There are people who are naturally good to others but there is no smoke without fire. He can help you out when he wants to express his feelings for you. He will be nice to you as he studies you and then finally tells you he loves you.’
Blessed Scovia, IT networker

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