Heart to Heart

Honeymoon: To or not to make babies?

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Ivan and Brenda Ayazika with their honeymoon baby. They say they hadn’t planned for the baby but are happy. PHOTO BY ISMAIL KEZAALA 

By BRIAN MUTEBI

Posted  Thursday, January 9   2014 at  02:00

In Summary

From fun to diapers. With the excitement of the wedding and marriage, many couples cannot resist the temptation of starting a family immediately. But while some couples will look forward to having little ones running around the house, some people would rather enjoy the first years of marriage alone.

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Not many couples, if any, will wed and not expect to have babies - at least one baby. This is because children bring joy to a marriage.
For some, getting babies may be pushed to later in the marriage, while for some they come soon after the couple says “I do”. Most of these are got during the honeymoon.
Honeymoon is a traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in seclusion. For many, the excitement is high and there is a lot of intimacy and romance, most times making conceiving inevitable. It is, however, important that the couple understands what and how a honeymoon baby might impact on their marriage.

The thrills
With the two of you alone in a beautiful relaxed destination, the newly-weds are bound to experience special feelings during the honeymoon.

Harriet Nabaggala, who is yet to get married, says she would be thrilled if she got a honeymoon baby.
“There is something special about the honeymoon,” she says.
“You’re out there bonding with your spouse in the morning years of your marriage, and in that mood, how thrilling it would be if I conceived! My honeymoon baby, I know, would always have a special place in my life.”

Since children are a blessing and gift to not only the parents but those around them, relatives and friends will be interested in the couple having children.
A honeymoon baby will save the couple curious eyes from relatives and friends, who will wonder whether they will ever have a child.

For Ivan and Brenda Ayazika, they couldn’t have been happier to have their honeymoon baby.
“We considered it a blessing. Couples take years to have a single baby but for us having a baby after a single try saved us the stress couples go through worrying about who of them is or isn’t fertile,” the Ayazikas say.
There is also the joy of having children early in marriage like Dorothy, whose husband David Kamugisha was 40 when they got married.

“David and I wanted to have babies immediately we got married. So when I told him that I had conceived during the honeymoon, he was excited. It was joy for both of us,” says Dorothy.

The tests
While it might be exciting it is important for a couple to know the tests that might come with early pregnancy. This means special and early planning and making necessary adjustments.
For instance the couple might need to reflect and agree on whether or not they will need a househelp and whether their current house will be able to accommodate another family member and possible caretaker, if the woman is working.
It also impacts on the family financially.

“It required us to make some adjustments in our plans. One adjustment was in our family budget. We started planning for our child earlier than we thought by putting some money aside to cater for the pregnancy and the child thereafter,” the Ayazikas say.
Adjustments might include suspending or rescheduling planned activities like it happened for the Ayazikas.
“Brenda was planning to enroll for a course when we wedded. But when she conceived during the honeymoon, she put that on hold because she could not handle both the academic demands and the first time pregnancy,” Ayazika says.
Pregnancies come with hormonal changes characterised by mood swings, tiredness and morning sickness, among other things. When a woman conceives during honeymoon, it means such conditions will manifest early in a marriage. The couple must be prepared psychologically.

Not for me
It’s these real and perceived tests of honeymoon babies that make people like Mary Musisi dislike the idea.
“I want to first bond with my husband for about two or more years before a baby comes in,” Musisi says.
The story is the same for Eddie Mboowa, who says he would prefer first stabilising financially after spending heavily on the wedding. Other couples have fears of lack of knowledge on how to handle a pregnancy in the early days of their marriage.

If you want to
A couple will need to avoid any form of contraceptives if the bride plans to conceive during honeymoon. Dr Gilbert Ahimbisibwe, a gynaecologist at the International Women’s Hospital and Fertility Centre, Bukoto, also advises couples to consider a woman’s fertility days.

“A couple will have to understand the woman’s fertility or safe days and apply that knowledge well. But that’s only if she understand them,” says Ahimbisibwe.
Fertility days are days when a woman has high chances of conceiving while safe days are those when she has lower chances.

Fertility and safe days, Ahimbisibwe says, vary from one woman to another. He says it is advisable for couples to consult a qualified health worker.
At the end of the day, whatever the couple decides to do, you need to have planned for it and be in agreement.

bmutebi@ug.nationmedia.com