How do I get the neighbours to keep it down?
The first time it happened, my friends and I laughed about it, tried to record and even mimic the sound. However, the next time was not as funny. My parents were visiting for the weekend and since the school holiday was coming to an end, my siblings thought it a good idea to have their children spend the weekend at my house so they could spend some time with the grandparents before they returned to school. It was 6pm and we had all gathered in the living room reminiscing the days that were.
My mother was telling the children about that day many years ago when I had gone to school without underwear. It was in Primary Two and the Math teacher had just started writing the day’s topic on the blackboard when I realised that I was ‘naked’. On realisation, I bolted out of the classroom without a word to anyone and run all the way back home to right the wrong. It was a funny story, albeit embarrassing. We were all laughing when suddenly, I heard it. The neighbours were at it again.
My heart sunk for I knew all too well the loud squeaking of their wooden bed, and the disturbing but clearly amorous sounds that began to build tempo from their house which was just above mine. The woman would ululate in their local language and the man would urge her on with a stream of obscenities, then they would, as if in a cultic chant, chorus together in a language I have never heard with dirty English words sprinkled here and there. The woman would then sing him praises, using words that I thought were only used in regard to high deities. I panicked because quite obviously soon my guests would hear them. So I switched on the TV and turned the volume so high that it startled my guests. But there was no time to waste. I quickly grabbed all the children and invited them to dance and jump to the very loud music and being children, they obliged complete with delightful screams and laughter.
The neighbour’s noise was successfully drowned out but my anger and trauma was not. The real task now was how to walk up those stairs to their door and ask them to have quieter lovemaking sessions. For days, I practiced in front of the mirror, made a video and an audio recording of myself role playing as to how the conversation would turn out. I asked friends and the other neighbours who were equally disturbed by the noise for ideas, I consulted the mighty university of Google and it still was not enough to muster the courage. And then it hit me, the landlord! He had the authority to talk to his tenants about behaviour that inconvenienced others.
So I called him and poured my heart out. Alas, the man would not help. He said there is nothing he could do because he did not want to offend his tenants whom he said had stayed longer than the rest of us and had never defaulted on rent. He advised that we buy earplugs. Many of the other tenants have since moved out, the rest of us are still enduring the sound because finding a good house, in a safe environment and within reasonable distance from work does not happen overnight.
However, no visitors are allowed lest they are treated to an amplified audio show of the sex maniacs upstairs. My nieces and nephews do not understand why I have refused to let them visit again let alone spend the night. As I house hunt, I am still trying to find the best way to politely and respectfully tell my neighbours to stop the noise pollution!
