Heart to Heart

How many men have you slept with? Don’t lie

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By Mike Ssegawa

Posted  Thursday, May 1  2014 at  01:00
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How many boyfriends have you had in the past? Many women still stammer at this question. Men, not so much.
A woman will stammer even when she knows that at some point, a man will want to know how “generous” his new catch might have been in the past. Surely, from the past, you can foretell the future. It scares men to learn that their girl is town’s most visited museum.
All the same, never expect a right answer for that silly question. A 40-year-old mum and an 18-year-old high school leaver will not give you a figure beyond three. I know.

I tell sensible men never to bother asking a woman, the how many… question. Because she will tell you what you want to hear. Certainly, it will be a lie, unless of course you meet the “I don’t care girl” who tells it all without biting her nails.

Doreen is one such girl. The no-nonsense 24-year-old has a sharp intellect, coupled with a great body. She draws droves of men. One of her conquests who sticks out is Fred. They went for movies for a couple of nights, had coffee at Javas and when things seemed serious, Fred dropped the bomb.
“How many men have you had in the past?”
Doreen wasn’t surprised when he asked. It was as though she expected the query earlier in the first place.

She looked him in the eyes.
“My first was when I was 16.” Fred’s jaw dropped. In eight years, I have been unlucky…I can count seven. You may be the eighth if you succeed,” she went on, Fred sitting there with a look of a man with a heart attack.
“If you are like the past fools, you may fail to seal the deal and walk away. I will move on….and keep counting. That won’t stop my life. Have I answered you?” Doreen said.

“Yeah…ah…yes,” Fred looked for words. He got his pill.
When things are going well in your relationship, there are skeletons you should not dig. And one of the bones is that. The honest answer sometimes hurts, especially when the person standing before is the kind of Doreen. That is why some people tell lies, and get away with it.
It is later, even after you are married that your spouse starts introducing people you have never heard about before.

Once in a while, you may hear: “Meet Ali, he was my boyfriend way back in college.” You may also meet Joe, Charles, Caesar, and Alex.
Unbelievable! Your partner may have told you she had ONLY two boyfriends her entire life. And, she was seriously involved with ONLY one of them.
However, that should not cause you headache because the world average is your story too.

Kinsey Institute in the USA did a research on sex, gender, and reproduction says the average number of lifetime sexual partners men aged 30-44 have had is around seven, while for women in that same age group, it is four. Looks lower than you expected, isn’t it? So, stop grumbling that your partner’s past has been too illustrious.
Also, 59 per cent of readers surveyed by Cosmopolitan magazine in 2011 thought “knowing a partner’s exact number of past partners was important”. So, you are not alone.

The same magazine states that 33 per cent of their readers had lied about their own pasts, claiming fewer sexual partners than they’d actually had. That’s exactly my point.
If you asked me, choose to be part of 41 per cent who don’t care whether you are the first or the 10th as long as your relationship works for you. This is not to say you should live like dogs…ah…forgive my language. What I mean, we should do as much as possible to go out with people we are confident will hold it to the end.
However, if your partner is a Doreen, find something else – something you can trust, love and cherish.

mssegawa@ug.nationmedia.com