Thursday January 9 2014

I am fed up of my 30-year-old marriage

The problem
Dear heart to heart, I have been married for 30 years but I have never enjoyed my marriage. When we got married, my husband’s parents told him to only buy food and pay school fees for the children. We rented a house for 10 years until I bought a piece of land and built our house. I have since been paying all the domestic bills, bought everything in our house, as well as clothes for our children since they were born. All my man does is buy alcohol for whoever he meets in the bar, as well as flirt with other women in the neighbourhood. He does not attend funerals on his in-laws’ side and never invites me to accompany him to events, yet he demands respect. I want to throw him out of the home and enjoy my life single-handedly. Please advise me.
- Maritah

your solutions
Dear Maritah, kick that man out at once because he does not deserve the respect. Bad man!

Maritah, 30 years? Three decades? And you have just thought of doing what you should have done in the 1970s...?

My dear, marriage is all about understanding, love, care and respect for each other. If during all the 30 years you have tried and reaped nothing in return, my advice to you is to sit down both families and plan to go to court to get a divorce because he is clearly sleeping around and the next thing he will do is bring you infections.

Clearly you are retarded girl!!!! 30 years? And you still need advice?!! What kind of madness is this? Wake up!

Dear Maritah, It is bad that you are not enjoying your marriage. However, you can still enjoy life without throwing him out of the home. He is still your husband. If you took vows – it was for better or for worse. The fact that you did not give up on him at an early stage means you still needed him. Appreciate the little things he is doing such as buying food and paying school fees. Other men do not do anything. Talk to him about his responsibilities as a husband. It is great that you are a responsible mother and wife. All your efforts in the 30 years of marriage must not go in vain if you give up now. Involve the religious people for counselling if the situation gets out of hand.
Pr Allan

Dear Maritah, I am sorry that you have gone through all that for 30 years - you must be a strong woman and you probably did it for your children. Now, do you have all the documentation that the land where your house sits is yours or did you still act the good wife and put the property in both you and your husband’s name? From your own words, you have been practically the man and wife at home. However, before you make any move, share it with your children because they are adults now. Otherwise, I do not see any reason why you still have this man under your roof. A man who does not value you, respect or honour you as his wife is not worth your commitment.

This is insane! I don’t believe you... 30 years? And you want us to say something! You already know what to do! Totumalirra budde!

Maritah, a woman of your kind should have kicked this man out a long time ago. Otherwise, it looks like there is something valuable in this man that has seen you stick around and I think you are better off holding onto it if you want to be happy. Best of luck.

Kick him out of your house and take care of your children because he has nothing to do there. He is a disrespectful man.

Very sad and thanks for sharing your pain. My advice is that you both seek counselling. Maritah, you have come a long way. 30 years is not three years. You have faced the worst and still been there for him and the children. It is never too late for God to make your dream come true and give you the happiness you have always longed for. Trust in Him, surrender to Him and let Him take control of the situation. Leaving now is not a wise decision. Look for spiritual friends and dedicate your situation through prayer. God will make a way where there is no way. Continue to love yourself and the children, don’t let the situation drain your spirit. I pray you find peace and love soon and may 2014 be the year of miracles.
Irene Mugisha

Next week’s

Dear heart to heart, I am 33 years old and I am not yet married. Sometimes I get worried that time is running out and it is getting late for me to settle down. The thing is, most of the men I meet are younger than me and I am not so comfortable dating them because I fear to be looked at like a sugar mummy. Does age really matter in a relationship? What should be the standard age gap between a man and a woman? Please advise me.
- Hellen