I paid Shs3,600 as bride price for my wife

His story
How old were you when you married your wife?
I was 29.

How did you meet?
I spotted her as I was passing by her home in Lukuli, Makindye. I remember she was crossing from the main house to the kitchen. Immediately I went to her parents in the company of my friend. And after the meeting, I shared the news with my parents, assuring them about the beautiful girl I had seen. I knew she was the woman I was going to marry.

When was this?
That was in 1954 while I was teaching at Nabbingo Primary School.

How long did you date?
Dating? We did not date. I had already prayed to St Jude Thaddaeus to help me find a good wife. So, I believed she was the right person God had brought to me. The introduction ceremony happened a month later. I mean, there was not much time to waste.

What exactly attracted you to her?
Her chocolate skin complexion and the way she walked. She really looked responsible.

How much bride price did you pay?
It was about Shs3,600, along with other things as expected by tradition.

When and where was the wedding?
We held our wedding on January 23, 1954 at St Peters Catholic Parish Nsambya, her home parish.

How many children do you have?
They would have been 16, but unfortunately we lost four of them. So we have 12.

Sixty years in marriage is quite a long time, what is the secret?
Trust and being able to understand each other is the only secret behind our successful marriage. There are times when I could leave home for different teachers’ workshops for weeks or months. I would travel to America, Czechoslovakia, Switzerland, among other countries, but my wife stayed back, took care of the home and children. She never committed adultery in my absence. Also my brother-in-law kept a close eye during that time.

What are some of the challenges you have faced?
Nothing much because we always understand each other, and being a trained or professional teacher, I could find it easy to solve problems, given the kind of training I received while at school. I was taught different ways of handling a woman more so when she is annoyed. Women should be treated as babies because they are so delicate. That alone helped me manoeuvre through.
The fact is, I have never laid my hand on her for any reason, neither have I shouted or raised my voice at her. If I did not shout at any of the students while at school, then there was no way I could do that to my wife.

What about the children, didn’t you get any misunderstanding over them?
Not really. As parents, we knew what to do. We could sit them down and also hold a separate discussion on how to handle the issue. This helped us come up with solutions to problems caused by our children.

What do you think is wrong with today’s marriages?
Many people who are getting married today lack counselling from either their parents or from schools and that is why they beat their wives or shout at them in public, hence causing separation.

Did you get any kind of counselling before marriage?
Yes, from the teacher’s training college in Bukila, Masaka and also from my parents.

What was the most memorable moment of your marriage?
The day we exchanged vows in church. It was not only a happy moment, but it also proved that she had become mine forever. I am also happy that my wife did not cheat on me even when I was away.

What advice do you have for young couples today?
They have to be prayerful, listen to their parents and partners as well. Men, never mistreat your wives for they are a weaker sex.

quick questions
What is Anna’s favourite food?
Henry: Matooke and beef
What annoys her most?
Henry: Apart from the grandchildren who disturb her once in a while, she is a peaceful person.
What’s Henry’s favourite passtime?
Anna: Reading novels and newspapers, plus writing.
What annoys him most?
Anna: A lot of things but he normally tells me when he is annoyed.

her story
How old were you when you met Henry?
I was 18 years old.

Had you finished school when you got married?
Not really. I was still pursuing a tailoring course. However, I later completed it.

How did you feel when he proposed marriage?
I did not jubilate as it is with today’s young girls. It was not a big deal, given the fact that my two elder sisters were not married yet. Henry came home and talked to my parents. I guess he did not know me but only described to them a chocolate-skinned girl he had seen hours back. I really wondered how he keenly observed me.

What attracted you to him?
I cannot tell. The fact is that I did not care much about his looks, as long as my parents agreed. And still, I was not so much into the marriage issue at that time.

When did you have your first child?
Close to a year after marriage. It was in January 1955. I was so happy to have a baby boy as my first born child.

Who planned your marriage preparations?
My parents. As a bride, I just followed whatever they had planned.

What was the most memorable moment of your marriage?
I won’t cite anything in particular, apart from the peaceful marriage I have had. We never quarrel, fight or shout at each other.

I am sure there were those little issues. How did you handle them?
It would depend. But in most cases, I would just let it pass and console myself later. I learnt to forgive him in some cases where he wronged me.

What do you think is wrong with young couples today?
Although many young people yearn to go to the altar, they do not really understand what they are exactly getting into. Marriage is such an easy and interesting institution but the problem is that children tend to shun their parents’ advice, thinking they know better than the elders. Fortunately, those who take the advice seriously, succeed. They are happily married because they know what to do or how to overcome the different situations.

Why do you think marriages do not last today?
It all depends on one’s upbringing. There is the issue of equality, where men or women never want to listen to each other because they think they know their rights better. In some cases, men tend to mistreat their wives because they are the heads of the home, which cannot work.
They don’t respect their wives and beat them, and in the end she will not tolerate the suffering and rather pack her bags. Also, some women are big-headed; they never want to listen or agree with their husband’s requests. Parents need to play a great role in their children’s lives.

How have you dealt with your in-laws?
I have no problem with them. We have always had a good relationship. What would hinder me from loving or treating them well? Anyway, I thank God for giving me such good people. The truth is, there are stubborn in-laws who would not allow their daughters–in–law to have peace. But that is being unserious.

What is the secret to a lasting marriage?
Love, understanding, tolerance and being forgiving. Marriage is not hard; it is the people that make it hard. Always keep the good communication flowing. Avoid rumours, for they disrupt good relationships.