I want to abort his baby

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I am 21 years old and I have been dating a 34-year-old man who works upcountry. When we met he opened up to me that he had a daughter. Things with the mother of the child did not work out because she was a Christian and he is a staunch Muslim. For all the time we were together, I was faithful to him until he came back. Recently, I received a call from a woman claiming I should leave her husband alone. I called my fiance and told him but he said it was all false information. The calls and insults kept coming, with the woman saying they have two children together. One morning the woman called and she was with the man and indeed it was my so-called fiancé. The problem is that I am pregnant but this man does not know. After all the humiliation I went through, I am convinced I should abort the pregnancy because this man played with my feelings and now I do not want any connection to him. What should I do? Please advise.
-Anonymous.

Your solutions

Whether you like it or not, you are forever attached to that man. Even if you abort, that scar will forever remain permanent on your heart and mind. Just move on with your life and take care of your baby. It is innocent, you conceived it out of love.
Shadia

That man is not worth any serious woman’s tears. How do you father a child and leave the woman because of difference in religion as if you did not know it before sleeping with her. Work hard to maintain your pregnancy. It’s your baby and it is you to bear the negative consequences of abortion. This man already has children, but you risk so much to get rid of your could-be-only child. I remind you that whenever you follow your heart, please never leave the ‘power of reason’ behind. Where the heart misleads, the power of reason will bail you out. As of now, think of how best you can live your life.
Paul

Abortion will make you the mother of a dead child. And may be that is the only child you will ever have.
Moses

Hell no! Before you decide to abort, first consult your fellow victim (dad of the baby ), he may want the baby.
Never take the blame of being a murderer. Calm down and refresh your mind.
Jesse

Do not abort (murder), unless you want to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.
Grace

Please give life assurance to that unborn baby, no matter what you are going through. In fact, keep that baby because you never know she/he may be your last child because of the curses you would carry, not to mention the burden of guilt.
Isa
Irene Obol: Do what your heart tells you, it is your life, better than it becoming a future latrine baby and earn you life imprisonment. If you are not financially stable, how will you take care of the baby?

Nabukeera Claire: Abortion is illegal and a terrible sin, hope you are also aware of its implications. So, keep the baby, talk to the man and tell him that you are pregnant, accept his help to take care of you and the unborn baby but end your relationship with him.

Alvin Risk Ibradacabra: The chances of aborting and kicking the bucket are the same, so if you are financially stable, keep the child and take care of yourself, he will come back looking for you.

Mona Ibrahim Hersi: The baby did not do anything wrong, it is part of your body and you cannot just lose any part of your body. Keep the baby or offer him/her for adoption but do not kill your own baby.

Kaleghire Landusy Gold: Do not abort, let the man take care of your unborn baby.

Oliver Tumwesigye: Oh Lord, why did you have to hide people’s hearts? My dear, that is part of life and 80 per cent of women are victims of that, but for Christ’s sake, the baby is innocent, be brave for it. Carry your life on, it is not the end.

Oguttu Ivan: The Bible, Constitution, and even public opinion condemn abortion. Take heart and enjoy the sweetness of your love. It is not by mistake, but God’s love.

Remy Kaks: Abortion will not solve your problem. Just keep your pregnancy, it is a blessing you might miss in all your life time just because of jealousy.

Kamezire Robert Omuhiinda: Why do you involve the innocent blood in your grudges? Move on and raise your child.

Joseph Kizito Lukyamuzi: This man clearly told you things were not working out with his baby mama because of religion, he did not say there was no love. So, from the onset you should have known that you were sharing him. So, please keep the pregnancy and compete better, may be you will win.
Shaban Omuloodi Waali: Abortion will not save you much, but it may cause other problems. What I can advise you, is to involve other stakeholders like his family. From them you will know the right information about your fiance.

Mugisha Ivan Roymilla: Do not abort the innocent baby, plus it is risky to abort.

Lutama Phillip: It is hard to forgive such a man, and besides, the baby if born, shall always remind you of his dishonesty. The decision is in your hands. But I am so sorry for you.

Nantambi Saudah Ziyadi: Do not abort, it is against the religion and good enough he is supposed to marry four wives. Please be open to your husband, he will look for ways of solving his problems.

Counsellor says
Henry Nsubuga, Counselling & Guidance Centre, Makerere

Dear Anonymous, the anger and betrayal you feel now is called for and normal. However, this is not the right time to make such a hasty decision. You need to take time and think about your life, future and your unborn baby.

It is a tough thing for most women to accept being a second wife and the fact that you will not have the man of your dream completely to yourself. Speak to a counsellor to help you make a non-timid and sober decision.

It depends on how this man has been behaving while he is with you. Has he been providing for you abundantly? Examine your conscience carefully on what your fears are if you carried on with the pregnancy.

Even when he may not take up his responsibility, you can always find a way of looking after your baby.

You should have in mind the consequences of the decision you want to make. Are you ready to face the repercussions that come with abortion? Remember you are risking your life because unsafe abortion kills.

Sometimes women get Post-Abortion Depression, where they feel haunted and guilty yet this may not go away for the rest of your life. You will never forgive yourself for ending such an innocent life. Also consider the resources you have before you go for the abortion.

If they are not enough, you risk barrenness if you go for substandard services where your uterus may get raptured and you will never bear any children for the rest of your life.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka