I was happy to pay bride price for her

His story

How did you meet Harriet?
I usually attend a lunch hour mass at Christ the King Church, Kampala so one time I sat on the same pew with her. And it so happened that I got a chance to see her for more than two times. We became familiar. One time, she invited me to attend Easter prayers with her at Our Lady of Africa Church, Mbuya. From there we started seeing each other more often.

What did you tell her when you first sat with her?
I said, ‘hello sister’.

And what was her reply?
‘Yes, good afternoon’, she replied, and she sounded so emphatic that she scared me.

What attracted you to her?
I admired her devotion to mass.

Why do you take mass so important?
As a catholic, mass is the remembrance of Jesus’ death and resurrection and it is the most sublime mystery that we celebrate as Catholics daily. All good works ever performed since the creation of the world, even if joined together, can never equal a single mass in value.

Did you fall for her physical beauty too?
Of course, I was moved by her smile.

Were you immediately attracted to her?
Not really, for she appeared tough and reserved until I heard from her. Later on, I found out that she was a principled woman who sticks by what she believes in.

How did you find this out?
Through her stories I was able to find out. She is outspoken on matters of her religion, and culture and she lives openly and freely to them.

At what point did you start developing feelings for her?
After the Easter prayers we attended together. We also had lunch together. That day we shared stories freely and I realised we had a lot in common. She didn’t sound far from what I also cherish.

What did you have in common, and what did you cherish?
A lot but at least a strongly-willed Catholic Muganda who is patient, educated and from a good family. These were good yardsticks to measure out my future wife.

How did you start plotting to win her heart?
I increasingly became closer to her. I would surprise her by picking her up from work and pushing her up to their home but above all I became interested in everything concerning and around her.

What was her reaction to all this?
She seemed appreciative but cautioned me to slow down.

Where you rushing?
I think that’s how she interpreted it but to me it was an expression of my feelings.

How were you expressing your feelings?
By getting interested in everything of hers. I frequented the places she went to.

What were the discoveries?
I discovered she was also interested but taking time to prove if I was the best person for her.

When was this?
That was 2014.

How was your dating experience like?
A mixture of tension and excitement.

How did you manage to convince her that you were a serious candidate?
I worked on living up to my words and fulfilling my simple day-to-day promises to her.

What were your promises?
It all begins with small promises like asking to see her the following day and you keep your promise.

What ultimately won her heart?
I made a secret research about her family and background and she happened to land on it, so she believed in my seriousness in winning her heart from that day.

When did you two decide to commit to each other?
It was in one year’s period.

What plan or plans did you agree upon when you decided to commit to one another?
To legalise our love through all orders of culture and religion. We decided that I visit her aunt first, then followed it up with an introduction ceremony before we would officially get married.
What transpired when you visited the aunt?
She was delighted to receive her daughter’s husband. She welcomed us with a wonderful banquet. We talked about the bride price I was set to pay. That very day I pledged the date of getting back for kwanjula (introduction ceremony).

What price were you to pay?
I was let to decide but was only cautioned to be serious with their daughter. We carried a couple of items ranging from cattle, food, drinks, textile, art, craft, and plastics, among other items I could afford.

What are your thoughts about bride price?
It is a good preservative of culture and a proof of man as the head of the family gauged by his duty to meet the bride price.

Don’t you think it reduces women to property?
It exalts them instead. Women look so cheap if just picked up from their home for free and taken. Anything valuable commands a price of exchange as a matter of protocol.

How did you prepare for the wedding?
First, we looked at getting the sacrament of Holy Matrimony only, so this reduced the stress of worrying about other things that make up a wedding. We considered them secondary.

Did you go for pre-marital counselling?
Yeah, the matrimonial classes at the cathedral.

What were you taught?
The theology of marriage, sexuality, morals, parental responsibility, legal framework of marriage plus privileges and duties of couples. We were told that God is the author of marriage and Christ exalted it to a level of a sacrament. Virtues required in marriage include patience and tolerance.

Who was your best man, and why?
Steven Lwegaba. He was a friend and is now a brother. We have walked the same journey for quite long and he understands me more than anybody else.

Who managed protocol and schedule at your wedding?
We planned and managed the protocol of my wedding with my best man working as the chief until the 11th hour when he partially handed over to the reception manager but continued to monitor everything on the high table.

What made your wedding memorable and why?
The church session was incomparable most especially the homily of the main celebrant. He was so particular with his homily. He told us that marriage is not a style but a way of life.

So far, how is marriage?
These are the early days of marriage so it is so enjoyable. We feel more close to each other than ever before.

What’s drawing you closer?
The excitement of being newly married.

Her story

When did you first meet Vianney?
I remember meeting him at Christ the King church.

What went through your mind the first time he approached you?
I took it as normal behaviour since people greet each other. We met more than once at Christ the King. We later met at Mbuya Parish.

What would you talk about whenever you met?
We would talk about work, school memories, family and love stories.

Were you dating at the time?
Not really. It was a casual meeting for friends but I can say it was the beginning of what we have achieved now.

What have you achieved?
We have finally received the sacrament of Holy Matrimony which is the height of our love.

What makes your love enjoyable or interesting?
The seriousness of my husband. All the joy I have in my marriage I attribute to my husband. I cherish his simplicity. He prefers living a simple life and fulfills whatever he commits to do. He is a brilliant man, makes decisions that favour me and he is my spiritual director because he leads and inspires me with his piety. All these make my love-life enjoyable.

When did you take the decision to get married to him?
Late 2014.

What convinced you about him?
His brilliance, seriousness and piety.

What were the preparations like for your wedding?
We communicated the wedding late but everything worked out for our good.

What were your big highlights?
Church, food, drinks, dressing, and entertainment.

What stood out about each of these?
I enjoyed the choir at the church, food and drinks happened as we prepared them. My gown was super fitting and the selection of the deejay at the reception was classy.

Who designed your gown?
Divine Bridal Centre.

What went through your mind as Vianney said I do?
I believed more in him because I saw him living his promise.

What would you say are the pillars upon which your love and relationship stand?
God, patience and fidelity.

How do these keep your relationship strong?
First, God is at the centre of creation. Patience makes marriage continue even in hard times while fidelity is beatable.

What do you think are the reasons for break-ups among young couples?
Forgetting that none of the partners is an angel. Holiness is divine, mistakes are human. As long as you marry a person with blood, mistakes are expected. So marriages should not break since nobody is perfect.
What is the biggest challenge you have faced as a young couple?
Sometimes time is limited for the family because both of us are still up and down looking for survival.

Do you have some fruits of the matrimonial wedlock and union?
Yeah, a lot. Now we feel more united than ever. There is an inner joy you feel and wedding in church comes with sacramental blessings which we believe are readily available as a remedy to challenges of this institution.

How many children are you planning to have?
Our wedding vows included freely accepting children as God will give to us.

Where did you go for honeymoon?
I will keep the tradition of not mentioning it but we travelled no more than the capital and we had fun because fun was within our minds.

What did you enjoy most during your honeymoon?
Waking up in the morning and seeing a ring on my finger for the first time. I couldn’t believe it.

How do you express emotions?
I shake my head.