Friday August 11 2017

If you do not marry your baby mama, who do you think will?


By Christine Nakalungi

“It was a mistake, I never loved her? So many baby daddies claim. They claim the relationship was a mistake but enjoy the outcome of their ‘mistake’. To some men, if he has a child, then he is under no pressure to marry.

And when he finally does, he marries another woman who has no child from her past relationship(s). This has surprisingly turned into a habit for most men nowadays. He is ready to play a father to the child but not a husband to their mother. Dear baby dads, who will marry your baby mama, if you who is responsible are busy looking for a woman with no extra ‘baggage’?

It is more disturbing when the same man interferes in the relationships of his baby mama, “how sure are you that the man you are dating will treat my child well?” some question. Others even threaten to take away the child if the baby mama gets to marry a man they have not approved of.

These single mothers endure a lot. They take care of the child and even contacting their child’s father for support, becomes an issue where they are labelled a gold digger and drama queen. In an effort to protect the child and her feelings, she breaks her back and hustles to support herself and the child and what does she get in return? The man’s family waits until the child has become a success and show up to claim them.

I used to treat such as stories until I attended an introduction (kwanjula) party where the man who had neglected the child and her mother showed up in tunic (kanzu) and requested to seat at the front. He had come with his wife to the function. Thanks to the cultural leaders, he survived the angry relatives who wanted to lynch him.
In a meeting, he was asked why he felt this was the right time to show up. The man arrogantly said: “She is my eldest daughter. I want to see the man she is getting married to.” The mother who had been quiet throughout the meeting broke down, “why do you care if she is married or not?” she shouted. “I am her father who wants to protect his daughter from con men,” he replied.

“Do you mean your kind? The ones who father a child but expect another man to raise them for him?” At this moment, he went silent and was gently advised to leave. And one wonders if you cannot marry a woman with a child, who do you expect to marry your baby mama? Dear men, marry your baby mamas.