Incest: Draw a line between kinship and forbidden love

In February 2016, a Zimbabwean widow, Betty Mbereko, announced that she was marrying her 23-year-old son, Farai Mbereko.
The widow and her son had been in a secret incestuous relationship three years before the affair leaked. Mbereko also revealed she was six months pregnant by her son.
The 40-year-old had been a widow for 12 years before the news broke. In her defence, she said she did not want to marry her late husband’s younger brothers, and could not allow any other to woman enjoy the fruits of her sweat –her son.
“I struggled alone to send my son to school. Now that he has a job, let me enjoy the products of my sweat,” a Zimbabwean paper quoted Mbereko’s response to a village court council.

Be wary of excessive favour
Stories of incest are not new. The question, however, is at what point one should realise the love their kin shows them is crossing the boundary.
“My father once came to my room and started touching me in a way I found inappropriate. He loved me and often, my siblings complained that he favoured me more than any of them,” reveals Lydia, a 32-year-old lawyer.
Lydia, who was 15 years old then, adds that what started as defilement grew into an affair and today she has three children with her father behind her mother’s back. In her letter to an FM station in town, she says she is now under pressure from her mother and other relatives to reveal who the father of her children is.
Run away from temptation
According to Paul Nyende, a psychologist and lecturer, department of Mental Health and Community Psychology, Makerere University, many incestuous relationships between father and daughter may start as abuse of the power position the parent is in or the child’s poor relationship with her mother.
“The daughter may initiate inappropriate contact towards the father as a result of rejection from her mother or they may have a low self-esteem and end up falling in love with the father who provides gifts and priviledges. This may cause her to be seductive to attract the attention. But as a parent, if you happen to see things such as proposing eye contact, provocative dress code, sitting postures, step on the breaks before the situation becomes fatal,” Nyende says.
He also says daughters may sometimes come in to offer a shoulder to lean on in case of a bad relationship between their parents. As is the case of Belinda, a 24-year-old Kenyan girl, who admitted on radio to having an affair with her father that she says started as “giving my father company”.
Nyende says: “The rescue might involve offering sex to calm the father down and keep him from fighting with the mother.” But he advises one to run in case they see such signs.

Psychological disorder
Nyende says incest could be a psychiatric disorder. He says there is no love in this interaction but rather sexual victimisation and abuse.
“Instead of focusing on adult females, the pedophile (father) finds children the source of sexual arousal and gratification and uses the child because of their vulnerability. Lydia’s father, for instance, asked her if she would rather see him cheating on her mother with other women and acquire a sexually transmitted infection.
Lydia is not proud of her relationship with the father, but she is confused about how to reveal it to her mother and siblings. “I got hooked on what my father told me. He has given me whatever a woman could wish for but I do not know how to tell my mother,” she says.
Lydia’s revelation, if she ever disclosed, would cause chaos.
Her mother could leave the marriage and banish her. Her siblings could reject her too. The father might get arrested because incest is by law prohibited.

The law

Section 144 (1) of the Penal Code Act, states that any person who has sexual intercourse with another person with whom, to his/her knowledge any of the following relationships exists; mother, father, daughter, son, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, stepfather and stepmother is punishable by law. Once found guilty, the offender is liable to seven years imprisonment or if the victim is below the consent age (18 years) then, the offender is liable to imprisonment for life.

Rehabilitation
For others in incestuous affairs, Paul Nyende, a psychologist and lecturer, department of Mental Health and Community Psychology, Makerere University, advises visiting a professional counsellor for psychological therapy. “Expect family rejection as many will blame the girl but seeking professional advice will help revive the victim’s emotional stability, but gradually,” he says.
The psychologist says parental love is geared towards nurturing offsprings therefore, inappropriate touches or sexual arousal, exploitation and seductive behaviour is unacceptable.
He, however, cautions families to set strong values regarding sexuality in their children and parents. Nyende also encourages early sex education for children to build self-esteem and lay a strong foundation for the adolescents in managing their unfolding sexual needs and desires. “Family therapy is paramount whenever signs of inappropriate behaviour are sighted,” he says.