Thursday August 21 2014

Is this man taking me for granted?

By Joseph Kato

Dear Heart to Heart, I am a 30-year-old mother of one. My problem is that all the men I have met seem to disappoint me. I am a humble and religious woman, which makes me wonder whether there is something about me that attracts bad boys. Recently, I met a man I thought would be different but he is turning out to be like the rest. First he told me he had separated with the mother of his child then when I insisted, he said although they had separated, the child’s mother visits his home every weekend. As if that was not enough, he borrowed money from me and whenever I ask him about it he becomes angry and tells me not to bother him. Somehow I feel he is taking me for granted. What do you think?

Your solutions
He is obviously taking you for a ride. You better let go of him before he starts to lay hands on you. It gets really hard to find a true companion at 30 years, as other people around that age are married or attached, or have chosen to remain single. As such it would be good to invest time in choosing a partner to avoid disappointments.

He is still in love with the mother of his child and he is after your money. This guy is just fooling you, so please dear just give it some time you will find someone more honest.

Take some time off men.

It’s an experience, so just move on and always do your research and always remember that every answer is in the Bible because it is the word of God, life and truth.

Keep praying and you will get an answer. Don’t show a man that you are too cheap, until you have known he is the right one. I wish you a nice search.

When one is falling in love, rule number one is to love yourself first. Be happy with yourself and then sure you can love someone else. That way there will not be so much hurt because you are cushioned by loving thyself.

Check out your love life first, let it not be from these movies or songs. Ask yourself why you fail? I mean, where do you go wrong when you are in love? A wild man can be tamed by a cool woman.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, every thing has its own time.

Sorry Sanyu, you may not be the first or last to have met such people, you need to take your time and study a person, then pray hard such that you get freed from such situation.

That guy is just playing with your heart and mind. I am sure he just needs you for sex. He could perhaps be in need of your money and after making you bankrupt, that’s when you shall know that he is a gorilla. Trust no human, live your life and take your time to choose a life time partner. First be with a man for at least a year, learn his manners before you give him your heart. Sometimes we look for women just to get some stress out of us, company, leisure and sex. I am a man too and sometimes I could do that.

Of course he is taking you for granted, by the fact that he still sees his ex-wife. Trust me you won’t manage to break that bond between them. Move on and look for a good man.

Being a single mother means you got it wrong somewhere, and the solution lies with you. With all the men you have been hosting in your harbour, the time has come for you to change the way you have been doing things. I wish I could have time to chat with you for three weeks, I would tell you some things that might hurt you and by the end of the year, you would be in a meaningful relationship.

Sorry dear, but with God everything is possible. If you come from a polygamous background, then go to a deliverance church. It could be a spiritual problem.

Dear Sanyu, I am really sorry about your predicament! You need to now take a firm stand and put things right in your life! First, you should stop your current relationship, draw near to Jesus in prayer! Sex outside marriage is a sin so put a stop to it! Never allow a man to borrow money from you for any reason as they can be deceptive! Wait for the right man to come your way!

Counsellor’s take > Maxe N Mugisha, Uganda Counsellors Association
Dear Sanyu, I do understand what it means to be disappointed in a relationship. However, it is always important to learn from such painful experiences, because they could help you avoid repeating the mistakes that caused you pain in the previous relationship. My sister, I don’t know whether you took time to study that man or whether you discussed how to handle your ex partners, including children, considering you are faced with a situation where your man’s ex-wife visits your husband’s home every weekend.

I think it is the right time you sat down as a couple and rectify issues in your relationship. If you realise that the man is still in love with the ex-wife, I would advise you not to stick around or force the relationship to go on because you will be hurt more.

On the issue of money, I wouldn’t comment much because I don’t know what you agreed on when he was borrowing from you and what he used the money for. But what I can say is, money is like evil and has cost many relationships. However, I don’t mean that you abandon demanding for it, but you should try to get him to refund it in a careful way if you still love your man.

As you have said, you are a humble and religious girl, therefore I encourage you to pray more. God has never been late or too fast. He will at one time answer your prayers and give you the right person. I would also advise you to seek for counselling services to help you get rid of those negative thoughts.