Keep things hot in the bedroom

Every relationship goes through many stages. There will be low and peak moments. But this is not a problem.
The problem is when the low moment becomes the norm and things become completely cold even though both partners are physically healthy.
Sophie Gombya, a wife, mother and marriage counsellor, advises couples to never leave issues that cause resentment unresolved.

“Where do you get the desire to cuddle and kiss someone you are unhappy with?” she wonders. She also tips couples to keep their bedrooms neat, inviting and exciting so that the environment is conducive for intimate moments. Gombya particularly says she pays attention to her physical looks.
“Men are visual beings. Their desire is easily sparked or killed by what they see. If your husband comes home and finds you dressed in a promotional T-shirt covered in food and grime sitting amidst chaos, unless he is into that kind of thing, chances are when that time comes, that repulsive image is what will come to his mind and his manhood will respond accordingly,” says Gombya.

Bad behaviour
Shans Woraz, a sex therapist, reveals that the leading causes of waning libido are mistreatment, mistrust, anxiety, and stress.

“It is very difficult to have an active sex life with someone you think is cheating on you or someone who treats you with disregard. Even if you have sexual relations, it will be out of fear or a sense of duty and trust me, there is nothing exciting about that,” Woraz opines.
For a healthy sex life, she calls for faithfulness and resolving issues quickly to keep them from spilling into the bedroom.

Keep emotions in check
Dr Moses Semweya, a general practitioner at Le’ Memorial Hospital, affirms that it is possible for someone to lose their libido even when they are in perfect health.
“When a person is experiencing psychological issues and emotional problems, it can cause them to lose interest in themselves, their partners and consequently, their sex life suffers,” says Dr Semweya. Subsequently, there is no amount of drugs that can solve this problem. The only solution is to tackle the source of the problem.

Walk the talk
Rahma Mbabazi aka Lucky, a radio presenter, says one of the biggest causes of psychological and emotional problems in relationships is poor communication and thus advises couples to work on their communication. “Couples need to learn to talk and truly listen to each other. Listen to your spouse, understand what they are going through and tell them you are supportive of them and are willing to face their challenges with them. This provides emotional comfort, which results in improved intimacy,” Mbabazi explains.

She further tips couples to continually reinvent themselves in order to keep themselves fascinating for their partners. She cautions against falling into that bad place known as the comfort zone where partners no longer find anything exciting about each other. “When you are excited and happy about yourself, you give off those vibes around you. If you are happy, your happiness becomes infectious and magnetic. Your partner will want to spend more time with you because you give them joy,” adds Mbabazi.

Reality check
Mbabazi also, she warns couples against expecting their partners to be their sole source of happiness, saying this would be equivalent to courting disappointment because no person is capable of doing this. “It is important to remember that your partner is human too and will from time to time fail, disappoint and frustrate you instead of the bliss you expect them to give. How you react to those moments heavily determines the quality of your intimacy and sex life. Learn to forgive and forget,” Mbabazi says.

As a mother of four, Mbabazi is well aware of the need to strike a practical balance between the children and her spouse. She suggests to women to forget tradition and speak up when they need help with the children.
“Most times, you find a woman feeling overwhelmed but scared to say anything because she does not want to be judged as incompetent while the man feels left out. It is okay to speak out when you feel that you cannot cope. sharing such a challenge will bring you closer and make you more appreciative of each other,” she explains. When all is said and done, couples should endeavour to make each other happy.

Practical tips
Flirt like you mean it. Flirting is playful and fun, so throwing your partner a wink is a friendly reminder that you are still hot for them, even when you are not in the bedroom.
Get to some public place. There are so many places where you can have sexy times with your partner, so keeping it just in the bedroom is not an option.

Take advantage of technology. Sexting, if you have not done it yet, is, in one word, fantastic. It is basically the technological version of foreplay, and a perfect way to get both you and your partner in the mood.
Tease each other. Whether you do it with facial expressions or in a more hands-on way, it gives fuel to the sexual fire.

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