Know your boundaries as friends of lovers

Dorcus Nambi, a second year Social Sciences student, says she can never date her friend’s ex-boyfriend. She says it is callous a thing for a friend to do especially after she was there for the other when she was nursing the heartbreak.
Nambi subscribes to a school of thought that gives friends set boundaries or codes to follow if the friendship is to suffice.
When it comes to friends, certain lines are drawn. For instance dating one’s ex, one’s sibling and having one’s back in case a partner is found cheating, among others.

For instance the debate about whether a friend should break the news in case they catch their friend’s boyfriend cheating is a heated one. Whereas one would have second thoughts about whether to tell or not, the same person would want to know if a friend found their partner cheating.
Now that’s how boundaries come in. Some will say revealing the behaviour of their partner is not in their place while others will say withholding such information means you don’t value your friend’s life so much.

Teddy Akello, who is in a two-year-old relationship, believes setting boundaries between her best friends not only strengthens their bond but also creates a special kind of trust that can be shared with a person you can never think will betray you.
“Letting your friend complain whenever she wants and not flirting with a friend’s boyfriend are boundaries I strongly uphold because to me friendship and relationships are two special bonds that determine my daily dispositions.”
The men are particularly well-known for sticking to their boundaries. Rarely will a man tell his friend’s partner about her man’s behaviour in her absence.

Take an example of bachelor parties. Some men do things their fiancée wouldn’t approve of right before their friends but none ever breathes a word to her.
Jonathan, married with three children, says his friendship with one of his colleagues at work is one he would never trade for anything because Mark has his back all the time. The cheating, hooking up, brokenness and the late night partying, Mark has helped see him through all that and all this while observing his boundaries.

Tampering with a friend’s siblings without permission is usually a no go area in friendship circles.
No friend would want another to flirt or play around with their sister’s or brother’s feelings especially if they’re the friend well known for breaking hearts. And even when you are in your friend’s good books, seeking permission before asking their sibling out will keep your friendship intact.

Latif Mwanga, who has had a friend date one of his sisters, says he is fine with a friend dating his sister but only when he asks for his permission first.
He is quick to add that, that too depends on which friend is asking because there are friends who are typical cheaters and nobody in their right mind would want them for their sister.
“Before my friend asked my sister out, he asked if I would be okay with it and since he was one friend I trusted I was fine with his intentions towards my sister.”

Boundaries help friends cover up for one another thereby helping one another get away with situations.
But how much is worth getting away with because some friends are serial players yet they lie about them before their partners.
Patrick Ssenyongo, who is in a relationship, says he is not willing to put another person’s life in danger just to save his best friend in the name of knowing his boundaries.
Character to him is something he upholds and letting his friend walk away with cheating on his wife is a regrettable thing he can never do.