Thursday September 14 2017

Leave issues of marrieds to the marrieds

By Christine Nakalungi

People who cannot keep a healthy relationship have lost a right to talk about marriage issues. Leave matters of generals to the generals so they say. Allow me also join the nagging team that is on ‘operation get married now or shut up’.
What rights does an unmarried grown up woman and man have to fault those who are married? I think none.
Marriage is an institution that treats everyone differently. What works for this couple might not work for the other and vice versa. There is no manual for marriage. Its waves take you in a direction they see fit. Some people are dragged back to the court for divorce yet other couples float to the happily ever after island.
But whichever direction the marriage waves take the couple, no one has a right to judge the sailors. Things might have not turned out as expected but they at least tried. How about you who is even scared to try? Which kind of judgement are you passing on? And who gave you the right to even drag them into the mad because their marriage did not work out?
When I was growing up, I loved cuddling with my mother whenever she had visitors. As I grew older, she started chasing me away. She was a village counsellor who talked to young people before marriage. She told me the sessions were beyond my understanding and that I will get my chance when I am ready for marriage or in marriage.
Same thing my aunt told Andrew at the weekend. Andrew voluntarily mocked his sister and her husband. “I told you marriage is not a bed of roses,” he said. “Did you think you were signing up for a vacation?” he continued. “Get out” My aunt quietly told him. You are a toddler in this institution and this topic is above your understanding.” Although it sounded harsh, it was worth it. If someone is a coward, he or she should not disturb those who are willing to try.
There is no guarantee that your marriage will flourish, but you just have to give it a try. Each day, you learn new things on that journey, some can be beyond what you expected and yet others might make you appreciate the choice you made. These are things unmarried people do not have an idea about. So my dear sister and brother, if you want a seat at the table of grown-ups, get married now or keep your advice to yourself. I am just thinking out loud, do not kill the messenger; just embrace the message.