Heart to Heart

Let baby-making be for real men

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By Mike Ssegawa

Posted  Thursday, June 19   2014 at  01:00
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What goes on in a woman’s mind as she abandons her baby? Worse still, why would anyone in their right mind throw their child into a pit-latrine?
I have come across women calling men names – among them dogs – for cheating on them, but, what is worse than throwing your offspring into filth? Calling me a dog is to praise me, because dogs at least take care of their young ones.

But like all wounds, there is a cause. Before every baby is a sexual act. And before sex, there is an affair. But why should the baby to suffer the folly of its parents?

How I wish there was a law barring anyone from having children, rather, engaging in activities that may result in a baby, if they cannot prove that they can take responsibility.

Stories of youngsters engaging in pre-marital sex are around us everyday; many have ended up aborting – albeit some die in the process. Others like the one I am about to tell you about, abandon children after their fathers fail to provide for them.
But with all the protection in the world today, why foolishly expose yourself to procreation when you know in the depth of your heart, the person you are sleeping with is for quenching your lust? This week, a man sat with his three-year-old daughter in the studio of Dembe FM in Namuwongo.

Radio presenter Robina Mbabazi Mulera aka Bina Baby introduced him to her mid-afternoon audience as Joseph Kibalama -she hosts many of his kind.
About a year and half ago, a married man with four children had committed a sin. He had had an affair with a school-going young woman.

To cut the long story short, they got a baby girl who is now three years old. But the married man wanted to cut ties with his new bird the moment she conceived. All of a sudden “he realised the girl was not his kind”. Now, a baby was between him and this young woman.

As I thought, the man was out of his mind, we also heard the girl used the baby as a bet to squeeze as much money as she could from the man. There are many women like her these days – some even faking pregnancies. Apparently, he gave her all the money she asked for, provided she kept the baby a secret from his family. He never wanted his wife, who had lived with him through thick and thin, to know of his conquests.

When the gold-digging became too much, Joseph defaulted on his promise to support the young woman and their baby. That is when she abandoned the child at his home.

Joseph’s wife was around. “This is your husband’s baby,” the young girl introduced the new member of the family. Thankfully, the woman of the house was wiser. She accepted the baby and raised it as her own. The husband apologised for “playing the friendly” with a wrong teammate. It seemed over.
Then, the real mother of the baby returned to have the girl back, and she wants Joseph to provide for them. Joseph’s wife promised to continue taking care of the baby as long as no coin goes to the other “woman”.

The law has its ways. I hear preference always goes to the biological mother! Like all infidelities, this one too had torn the family into pieces. If one is not careful, you may never know peace until all skeletons are buried six feet under.

Sometimes, the sin outlives its committers. So, Bina Baby and her co-presenter helped resolve this marital cum family problem – for now. The entire family was on air pouring out their hearts over betrayal, pain, regret and mistrust. Agreements were made, and they returned home a little happier.
But that won’t be the last story of the kind. Before you blame men, I cannot comprehend mothers abandoning their children. Even female animals defend their young ones.

Secondly, fellow men – it is very irresponsible of us to neglect our children. The child does not know the problems between you and your girlfriend or wife. In any case, why reach for what you cannot manage. If you cannot take care of your babies, just abstain. Let sex be for those who can handle.

mssegawa@ug.nationmedia.com