Let not politics ruin your relationship

Growing up, Juliet’s dad was always cautious about his political comments. When he returned home after casting his vote, they would excitedly rush to ask him who he had elected.
“It was secret ballot,” he would say while smiling sheepishly.
His wife was apolitical, and the children were not even of voting age then; they were just curious, soaked in the whole election excitement.
“It is only after we grew up that I realised he was only trying to play safe in case we went spreading word about it in the neighbourhood,” Juliet, now 23, says.
To have a long and happy marriage, experts say couples need to have similar values on money, family and religion. However, what happens when you disagree on politics?
If Juliet’s father felt insecure opening up to his children about his political thoughts, what happened if his wife was not apolitical and in fact subscribed to a divergent political group from what he favoured?

Facing disagreements
Picture Josephine Namusisi, whose marriage is on the verge of collapse because she has failed to support her husband’s political ideologies.
Namusisi says their woes started during the 2011 elections, with instances of physical violence when the debate got heated.
There are many coupIes out there who can probably relate to Namusisi’s story. It all starts with the couple supporting different political parties or candidates.
Not to sound sexist, but in most instances, the men want their women to support what they support because after all, they are the head of the home and any disagreements will put them in bad light of society.
But what happens when your wife is as vocal as Salaamu Musumba, a strong FDC supporter whose husband Isaac Musumba subscribes to the NRM political party and in fact once served as a minister in the same government. It becomes hard, especially during election time when each of you has to mobilise votes for a different candidate.
Sometime, rumour had it that the couple had separated, of course for many it came as no surprise because a couple openly supporting different political parties, was to them, a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate. The rumour was never confirmed, though.
Couples may disagree, but for many, it is wise to find a common ground to avoid any misunderstandings. For instance, Kasese Woman MP Winfred Kiiza and her husband, Yokasi Bihande Bwambale, are both members of Parliament under the Forum for Democratic Change party.
“Being in the same political party helps us believe in each other because then we have no secrets. It gives us pleasure to have issues discussed amicably. We are actually free with each other. However, my parents supported different political parties. My father supported UPC whereas my mother supported DP, but they never quarrelled. I actually admired how they could positively criticise each other without being emotional,” Kiiza says.
She adds, though that this does not mean that they do not disagree on some policies within their party.
Mukono Municipality MP Betty Nambooze says being in the same political party with her husband has made it easy for them to discuss certain issues. She adds that having two political parties in a home would bring disagreements, since everyone would feel that their ideas are perfect.
“For instance, if my husband was an NRM member, my party members would doubt me because they would think that I am a spy who is leaking their plans to the other political party. It is difficult, therefore, to have issues solved if you believe in different political parties and this could lead to misunderstandings in a home hence breaking the marriage. My husband and I are happy because we support the same political party,” says Nambooze.

Better to stay away
Doreen Nyanjura, a human rights activist, says it would be an abomination to get married to a man who supports a different political party other than hers since she needs a peaceful family with shared values. She adds that she is an adult who ought to make her own decisions.

Making it work
According to Henry Nsubuga, a counsellor at Makerere University, acceptance and tolerance are the major things to consider if couples have different political affiliations. He adds that because people are born differently, they have different ways of thinking and therefore ought to understand each other’s ways of behaving because oneness in marriage means accepting what the other person comes with. He advises couples to give attention and respect each other’s ideas other than conflicting.
Nsubuga adds that it is okay to support different political parties but it should not mean that conflicts must arise. He, however, warns that politics should come as the second agenda after marriage and, therefore, couples ought not to shift all their minds on politics since it could lead to marriage breakdown.
“If ever politics is likely to point towards conflict, then it is better that couples desist from declaring their political will since this may cause trouble. Marriage should be built on respect, love, tolerance and acceptance,” advises Nsubuga.

WHAT IF YOUR PARTNER SUPPORTS A DIFFERENT PARTY?

“I would explain to him the reasons I support my party but if he cannot understand, I cannot force him to. Different people have different reasons for supporting their parties. Peace and respect begin from home,”
Hope Ssenabulya, married, teacher

“Politics and marriage are two different things that deserve to be treated separately. If your family breaks because of the differences you have, the candidates will not even know that the family broke up because of them,”
Samuel Tumwesigye, married, self employed

“I only want peace in my family. I would let her support whatever party she wishes to because you cannot force an ideology on a person. Because we love each other, we should be able to respect each other’s decision,”
Amoy Tommy, married, Pastor

“She has a right to belong to any political party and is entitled to an opinion. Politics should not be something that can break our marriage. There are usually many things to discuss in a home, besides politics,”
Andrew Asiimwe, Married, self employed

“I would convince her to join my party. It is not common for women to have opinions different from those of their husbands and if they are, men are usually more experienced and women usually just follow,”
Gideon Wabulembo, married, Chef

“I would keep it at heart that I do not support the same party like he does but I would wait for the elections to exercise my right. It is important that we respect each other’s opinion,”
Harriet Mulira, married, salesperson

“I would pretend that I support the same party he does, after all, during the voting exercise, everyone goes alone so then I will be able to exercise my right. I just want peace, not fights all the time,”
Harriet Namusoke, single, secretary

“In order to have peace at home, I would convince him to join my party. He cannot refuse to support my party because he must respect me and my opinion,”
Mercy Chemutai, single, self- employed

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka

How to make it work

Many people are attracted to and marry partners who have very different beliefs when it comes to religion, politics, and other issues.
When it comes to politics, married couples on different sides of the political fence can be successful. The key to these marriages is the fact that these couples obviously have a lot in common in other areas of their lives. They know how to focus on what they agree on and to accept their differences and they do not dwell on their different political views.
So how do you keep your different political views from hurting your marriage?
• Bridge your differences by agreeing to disagree.
• Stick to unbiased, provable facts.
• Do not ridicule one another’s opinions.
• Allow your partner to have his/her own convictions.
• Do not try subtle politicising in your comments about budget planning or when you remind your spouse about needing to get fuel in the car.
• Remember to use your listening skills when discussing politics.
• Remind yourselves that when talking politics, your friendship with your spouse is what is important.
• Show respect for each other’s political views.
• Do not try to change your spouse’s opinions. Instead try to understand those opinions. You can understand something without agreeing with it.
• Look for what the two of you have in common on the political issues.
Of course, some couples may be mismatched. If one of you is indifferent to social or political issues and the other is very passionate on these topics, you may face a difficult journey together.

Warning signs
• Disagreeing intensely.
• Arguing a lot.
• Refusing to discuss the issues.
• Increased distancing from one another.
• Showing a lack of respect for one another and one another’s opinions.

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