Lone husbands partying in town

The festive season is a time of joy, a time to spread the love around especially within the family. At this time, the turbulent waves of marital woes that assail some marriages have crested, enough for the white flag of truce to be raised. It is quite possible to gauge the state of a relationship during this mad season. Mad, because it brings out the best in some people, and quite often, the worst, in others.

It is normal that families will expect to spend the festive season together. Not so for Richard Barry. Being Irish, you would expect that time spent bonding with family meant everything to him. But he dreads the three weeks he has to spend in Gulu. 15 years of marriage, and he has had enough of bonding with his in-laws.

“If we had a home in the town, I wouldn’t feel so stifled and boxed in,” he says. ‘But we have to go deep down into the village. I am not even allowed to drive to town to get a decent drink.” What rankles is that none of his friends have any village to go to. They hang around town doing what ‘newly single’ married’ men do best – partying.

Well, last year Santa dropped an early present in his lap when his boss decided to fly out of the country for Christmas. “I had to work every day, throughout December; and with the accompanying bonus, there was no way my wife could stop me, even if she wanted to.”

With the appropriate remorseful look and much shaking of the head, Barry packed off his family and on the spur of the moment, spent his first night alone in a club. “It was the most exciting period of my life, it brought back my bachelor days to me. That first night is a memory I will give anything to relive again. Before long, I was going out every night.”

Apparently, his wife suspected as much and cut the holiday short by a week. By mid-December, Barry was still hopeful that he would give the village Christmas a miss this year as well.

Indeed it’s that season when the ‘summers’ appear on the scene again, to paint our hapless Kampala red. Again. Not to be left out, Simon Kagimu began planning for his trip in March, all the while, stressing to his wife the necessity of being prudent. According to him, it’s an unnecessary expense to bring the whole family back home for just a few days.

“We agreed that I would convey the suitcases of gifts to our relatives and friends,” he says. “When I jetted in, in November, I spent a week in the village visiting everyone that needed to be visited.” Since then, Kagimu has been stuck in Kampala. And like a black widow waits with cunning before tightly embracing its victim, so has the nightlife trapped him.

“At some point I am planning to go to the village for Christmas although I keep postponing the day. Man, that whole thing of spending the day with the zeeyis is not my thing.” So far, he has not yet made it beyond the outskirts of Kampala.

It is almost impossible for a woman to demand that her husband leaves her behind and goes to the village.
Benon Busiisa, a boda boda cyclist agrees. “I cannot allow my wife to remain in town while I go to the village with the children. In fact, if she suggested it I would immediately become suspicious of her intentions.” As he has always done, he will send them packing and remain to reap the proceeds of a fruitful festive season. And how does he handle the loneliness while his friends are enjoying with their families? “I go to the beach and make new friends. That is how I relax.”

On the other hand, Gloria Odwillo is in a dilemma. She has been going to the village every year but her children always come back with infections. “I am trying to convince my husband to go alone and leave us here. I don’t want to deal with four sick children in January. They need to develop enough immunity in their systems before we can brave the village again.”

Her husband is having none of it. He insists that his parents will miss his children, and because of his tight schedule, he has offered to drive them to the village so they do not get inconvenienced in the bus. Of course, he will spend the holidays alone, as he has always done.

Natural role
“Naturally, women are drawn to the hearth with stronger cords than men. That is why it is possible that more men will be found in hangout joints than women during this festive season. It is impossible for a woman to demand that her husband leaves her behind and goes to the village.