When people are dating, they hide their true colours
What is life really like after marriage? Esther Oluka sought out five different married individuals who opened up about the biggest challenge they faced immediately after exchanging vows.
I now have to watch football from home
“When I was still single, I loved staying out late watching football. On some occasions, I would go out with my friends or work until late. But all this changed after I married my wife, Donah, in September 2016. I rarely go out to watch football or hang out with my friends. I would rather watch a soccer match from home rather than go out. Also, I now ensure I am home in time even as early as 5pm. It is not about me now.
My priority is now on my wife and three months old son. Recently, I remember going to the market to do a bit of shopping and I ended up buying clothes for only my wife and son. I did not buy anything for myself. That is how things have changed.”
Pidson Nuwagaba, married for one year.
Consulting before I spend money
“I married my wife in August, 2017. Before settling down, I was used to doing things alone but now, we are a team. I cannot spend money on anything new even if it’s just a phone. Usually, we talk of whether the item fits into our savings and if we really need it at that particular time.”
Mark Kimanje, newly married.
The housework multiplied
“One of the difficulties I faced after getting married in 2009 was sleeping in the house alone on occasions when my husband travelled. Also, I found challenges coming back home in the evening and starting to cook supper. There were moments I would be very tired and yet the meals had to be prepared. When I eventually had my two children, I started making them breakfast before they left for school. Besides preparing supper in the evening, I would also wash the dishes, clean the house and iron the clothes. The housework was always lighter when the maid was around. The load would be so heavy to carry whenever she was away visiting her family members.”
Miria Katiti Nambalirwa, married for eight years.
Juggling through many home chores
“I got married only a few weeks ago. I have, however, come to realise that now I have to do everything on time. For instance, if the dishes need washing in the morning, I have to ensure that they get cleaned, otherwise, I will never get another appropriate time. Or, if I am supposed to cook at a particular time, I ensure that I do so. Failing to perform a required task at a particular time will mean I will be late for other appointments.”
Carol Obbo, newly married.
Sharing my space with someone else
“I got married in 1985. My wife, Florence, was 23 years old at the time. Adjusting to married life was not that easy. I needed some sort of mental orientation to believe that I was now a married man. When I was still single, I was comfortable in my own space but after my wife came into the picture, there were a number of things to consider. For instance I had to deliberate on aspects such as where to place her suitcase, shoes, among other things.
Also, I had to ensure that I was always home for supper after she laboured to prepare it. Overall, marriage is a totally different setting from courtship. When people are dating, they hide their true colours. It is a different scenario once you tie the knot. Here, you each get to know who the real other person is including their strengths and weaknesses.”
Rev. Can. Stephen Gelenga, married for 32 years