Men fear that I may beat them up

Belinda Atim says because she travels a lot and loves dancing, men think she is high maintenance.
photos by EDGAR R. BATTE

What you need to know:

Too macho for any man? Belinda Atim is of relatively big build, she is well-travelled, loves animals, carries snakes with ease, and loves to dance. This may sound cool, but not the way she has experienced it. The Uganda wildlife Education Centre spokesperson talked to Edgar R Batte about the reason men shun her.

Are you intimately involved?
No

Why not?
I think my adventurous lifestyle does not portray me as relationship material. Men fear to get into a relationship with me because as I have been told, I travel too much, dance a lot, love nice things. And I am too expensive to maintain. It is too bad!

Have men confessed their fear to you?
Yes they have. Oh, and some say I look tough. On a few occasions, I have been told that I look like I can beat a man to pulp. So judgements are made based on my physical appearance, which I can do nothing about. And the snake-handling makes it worse.

Have you dated before?
Yes, several times.

What was your experience like?
Some were good, some bad. The bad ones had to do with control issues. I do not thrive well with control freaks. The good ones were good but cultural and family issues barred us from going further.

Were they Ugandan men?
No, two were of Indian origin, one was Arab and the other was Pakistani. They were good men but culture, religion and strong family ties could not allow us to get married.

What in particular couldn’t you stand?
I am not Indian nor Hindu, neither am I Muslim.

So you have not dated a Ugandan man?
I did, once. He was one of the control freaks.

Did he stop you from going out? How controlling was he?
He wanted to always know my whereabouts, what I was doing, with whom and why. It was not your usual communication. It was rather inquisitiveness, coupled with mistrust and suspicion, which became a basis for arguments and quarrels.

How do you draw the line between care and control in a relationship?
Motive! Asking is not bad but where one demands, in a way that their tone is accusatory, that becomes an issue. Why would a man insist on going with me to see my friends? Why not wait for me to bring them home?

Did the two of you try to work out your challenges as a couple?
We did but it could not work out. He had self-esteem issues, and after two years of trying, I gave up. I was getting stressed, falling sick, missed my periods for four months and I was not pregnant. The doctors advised me to quit, and when I did, I went back to normal.

Did you miss him?
A little bit. We had been together for two years. It was understandable but when I started to busy myself, I got over him.

What did you miss most about him?
I think I just missed being in a relationship, nothing particular about him.

Come on, didn’t he leave any effect on you?
Once I am done with something, I am done.

Is he still in touch?
Yes. We are friends. I do not cut contact completely.

Does he ever hint on wanting you back?
No. He is married now.

Did your relationship with him bias your attitude towards Ugandan men?
No. I cannot judge all Ugandan men based on one person.

Do you still believe in love?
Yes, I do. Whether it happens to me in this lifetime or not, I still believe in it.

Do men hit on you?
Yes, but since most of them are usually married, I try to keep off. It is sad that three days cannot go by without a married man hitting on me.

No singles?
If the singles came, I would give a chance. Otherwise, I do not like to cause trouble. Most Ugandan men get hitched very early, so you will hardly get a 30-something man who is childless or spouseless.
But I think I have an invisible sign on my forehead that says, “for marrieds only”.

Who is your ideal man?
Someone who is focused, realistic about life, open-minded, a good communicator, a problem solver, someone who loves one or all of the best things in life; nature, travel, art, music or dance, one who relates well with people and can adjust to whatever situation life throws at him. Creativity and intelligence are a plus.

How would you describe yourself?
I am a social person with an insatiable passion for nature, travel, literature and arts. I am kind-hearted and compassionate. I have a commendable level of integrity. I am also a no-nonsense person and ill-tempered when called for. I detest hypocrisy, selfishness, and unreasonableness.

What is your definition of love?
A God-given quality, that every person can exercise to make the world a better place.

Would you date a younger man?
No. He has to either be four years my senior, or older.

What are your values on family and relationships?
I believe families need to be built on a strong foundation — love. I also believe that if families are to thrive, members need to be friends. Communication is important as it wards off misconceptions, time is crucial to get to know each other better, but most of all I believe that the man of the home needs to be respected. His wife should not undermine him in anyway, embarrass him in public or do those crazy things some women do in the name of emancipation.